From What You Left Behind
by luvsbitca
Summary: AU end of Season 3A (Derek didn't come back) There wasn't a lot Stiles had of his mother's. But he still had Orpheus and Jolene. They were two of the first things he packed when he left for university. Stiles stopped playing music the day of his mother's funeral but university in the town where she grew up draws him back into that life and brings surprising people into his life.


Title: From What You Left Behind  
Author: Moonbeam (luvsbitca)  
Rating: Teen  
Characters/Pairings: Derek/Stiles with Claudia/Sheriff Stilinski  
Warnings: This deals heavily with the death of Claudia Stilinski through flashbacks.  
Summary: AU from the end of Season 3A (Derek left and didn't come back)  
_There wasn't a lot Stiles had of his mother's. Not anymore. But he still had Orpheus and Jolene. They were two of the first things he packed when he left for university._  
_When he was five, newly diagnosed with ADHD and not sure why he was different, his mother had taken him to her room. That was when he met Jolene, old and worn but loved and the moment he plucked her strings he was lost._  
Stiles stopped playing music the day of his mother's funeral but university in the town where she grew up draws him back into that life and brings surprising people into his life.

**From What You Left Behind**  
by Moonbeam

There wasn't a lot Stiles had of his mother's. Not anymore. But he still had Orpheus and Jolene. They were two of the first things he packed when he left for university.

/\/\/\

When he was five, newly diagnosed with ADHD and not sure why he was different, his mother had taken him to her room - not the one she shared with his dad but the other one just for her. That was when he met Jolene, old and worn but loved and the moment he plucked her strings he was lost.

Music didn't make everything better but it was something only Stiles and his mum did. It was theirs.

And then she died.

/\/\/\

"Why on Earth are you going to Tennessee for university?" Lydia asked. "Why would anyone go to Tennessee, the home of the redneck?"

"Do you know where my mum was from?" Stiles asked, pausing only a beat. "Tennessee, the home of the redneck."

"Oh."

"Dad went there on a football scholarship. They met, fell in love and he came back here to follow in his father's footsteps by becoming a deputy and later sheriff and she followed him."

"So," Isaac said with a bright grin. "You're going to Vanderbilt University."

"I am." Stiles said, matching his grin.

/\/\/\

There were lots of things Stiles simply hadn't done since his mother died. And he guarded his secrets well…normally. Then one night, he was drunk and a redhead with nice breasts had found Orpheus.

"Do you play?" She asked, pulling the banjo case out from under his bed.

"No." Stiles lied. "It was my mother's."

She blushed and put the case back under his bed.

Two months later, when she asked him about it he pulled Orpheus out and tested the strings. He didn't say a word as he tuned the instrument. Something about being at this place; where his mother had been, young and healthy and happy, made him want to play again.

He assumed he'd be rusty. That his fingers would have forgotten but they hadn't. He played something half remembered for practise and then started on one if his mother's favourites.

_"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,_

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man..."_

"You said you didn't play," Mary said, when he'd finished.

Stiles shrugged. "I haven't since my mother died."

He wasn't sure how that led to him having sex but he sure as hell wasn't going to ask.

/\/\/\

"This is Jolene," Claudia Stilinski said, handing the guitar to Stiles with care.

Stiles, five, frowned up at her as he tried to hold the too big instrument. "Jolene?"

"My Daddy loved that song," his mother said, the twang that was soft normally growing deeper as she looked over Stiles' shoulder with a strange expression.

"I'm named after him," Stiles said proudly.

"You are, my beautiful boy, and this was his guitar too. He taught me to play on it, when I was not much bigger than you."

"I can't play the guitar," Stiles said, mournfully. "I do everything wrong, and I won't sit still."

His mother had shaken her head, and fit herself in behind him, helping him to hold the guitar and showed him how to pluck at the strings with his thumb. "This is how you play, and you do not do everything wrong. If anyone tells you that I will correct them. Now, would you like to learn?"

"Yes please, Mummy."

/\/\/\

He might have stopped playing when his mother died but there was one thing he'd kept doing.

He had a notebook – he hid it under his bed and its lined pagers was where he wrote his own songs. Bad ones from when he was young, full of angst and unresolved love for Lydia, crushes on Danny and Michael – who had been a year ahead of them and lovely if geeky, and everything else that had filled his life. There were ones about Peter's first death, about werewolves and kanimas, witches and death. It was the place that Stiles could allow the terror and the guilt free reign when he needed to be there for Scott. For a long stretch of time they had grown dark, darker than Stiles liked to think about, but it had been cathartic at the time.

/\/\/\

"What is that?" Stiles, seven, asked his mother.

"That's a banjo," Claudia said, with a laugh. "He's called Orpheus, because I always did love the Greek myths."

"Can I play that?"

Claudia shook her head. "I'll teach you when you're older."

Stiles had sighed and went back to practising his finger positions on Jolene.

/\/\/\

Tim was tall and blonde and built and gay. Stiles was so fucking interested it made his balls hurt. So when Tom asked Stiles to perform in the student showcase he had agreed because he had started to play for his friends sometimes. It was easier here than it had been at home where her ghost lived between him and his dad.

Stiles took to the stage and smiled.

"I'm going to play two songs for you tonight. The first you'll know, the second one is something new."

Stiles started to play and then leaned forward to start singing.

_"This thing called love I just can't handle it,  
this thing called love I must get round to it…"_

Stiles knew it wasn't country but it didn't matter to him, his mother had always sung it to him like it was. When he was done and the clapping started he closed his eyes and dropped his chin down onto this chest. He wasn't sure that he was really ready to do this but he'd been re-reading the song for the last couple of months. From the evening he had sung for the first time since his mother had died. He hadn't realised how much he had missed playing, and now he did it all the time – it was better than he remembered it being. He had more songs floating through the back of his head but he knew he needed to do this and if he didn't do it now he would make excuses for the rest of time. So, he opened his mouth and sung his very own song.

_"One day you were gone, _

_Vanished out of my home, _

_And there was nothing left o' me, _

_My daddy said, son,  
we all miss your mum, _

_And there ain't nothing wrong with crying, _

_But tears won't bring her back…"_

Stiles stopped playing the song minutes after he started and was standing, striding off the stage before the clapping had even hit fever pitch. He left the building, not bothering to stay around for the final group performance.

Tim knocked on his door almost three hours later.

"You won," Tim said with a smile, leaning his hip against the door jamb.

"I didn't think it was a competition."

"No." Tim slid into the room and handed Stiles the metal statue. "But, we did have a fan voted award."

"And I won?"

"Oh, you certainly did," Tim smiled and Stiles felt himself matching the expression. "You were spectacular."

Tim didn't leave again until the Tuesday for his first class of the week.

/\/\/\

"Playing a banjo is a different thing to a guitar even though there are just as many things in common." Claudia said, handing the banjo to Stiles carefully.

"I thought I wasn't allowed to play this." Stiles, eight, questioned.

"You can now," his mother said, kissing him on the forehead. "I want to teach you this too."

They started out slow, like they had with the guitar but Stiles picked it up faster.

He didn't know then but that day had been the beginning of her illness.

/\/\/\

"I just got the strangest email," Scott said. "It was an invite to a night of music at Vanderbilt University. Strangest thing being that you, Stiles Stilinski, are one of the people being advertised to perform. But you stopped playing and singing. I know this, because you yelled at me the last time I asked you to play. So, I assume this must be a mistake."

"I sent it to you."

"No shit."

"Being here made it easy to start again and I'm loving it again. Like I did back then. I still get sad when I play one of Mum's songs but it's good. I invited you and Dad up."

"I'll be there."

"You don't have to be."

"I will be there," Scott said firmly. "Your dad and I can drive over together."

"Good, how's school going?" Stiles asked, changing the topic.

/\/\/\

"Mum," Stiles, ten, said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am, baby."

"It's okay if you don't want to play."

Claudia laughed and for a moment her skin had colour and she looked normal again. "I will always want to play with you, Stiles."

Stiles crawled up onto the bed next to his mother and dragged Jolene along behind him. "What should we play?"

"Something fun."

Stiles nodded and thought for a second. Then he began to play.

_"You've come to tell me somethin'  
You say I ought to know…"_

/\/\/\

_"…If you can wade in through the teardrop  
You'll find me at the home of the blues."_

Stiles walked off the stage and straight out into the crowd. He could see his father beaming at him – though Stiles had avoided looking at him while he'd been playing.

"You were amazing," Scott said. "So much better than you were when we were younger."

"Thanks."

"You were," his dad said, voice rough with emotion. "She would have been so proud. You reminded me of her so much up there."

Stiles swallowed heavily, his eyes wet while his father pulled him into a tight hug.

/\/\/\

"Sweetheart," Claudia said, pulling Stiles into her lap. "There is something I need to tell you."

"What is it, Mummy?" Stiles, ten and two months, asked. His mother never pulled him into her lap anymore – he was too old for it but he knew the look on his parents' faces; the same look they had had when he had the ADHD testing and diagnosis.

"I'm sick."

"Like the flu?"

"No," she pulled him close. "It's a little bit worse than the flu."

"How much worse?"

Claudia looked over Stiles' shoulder and Stiles followed her face to look at his dad, the worry clear in the deputy's eyes.

"Dad?"

"Your mum has cancer."

"No!" Stiles said forcefully. "She isn't allowed to have cancer. You're wrong!"

"Stiles, sweetheart," his mother said, pulling him closer. "I do have cancer but I'm going to go into the hospital and I'm going to get better."

"But, people who have cancer die."

Claudia shook her head. "No, I'm going to be fine. I can't leave my two sweethearts."

Stiles allowed himself to be pulled tightly into his mother's chest while she told him again and again that she would be fine.

/\/\/\

Stiles walked onto the stage and smiled. "Hi, I'm Stiles Stilinski, it's nice to see you all tonight. This first song isn't country but it was one of my mother's favourites and she always sang it like this."

Stiles started plucking at the guitar and closed his eyes. He could hear his mother's voice in his ear as he started to sing.

_"Something told me it was over  
When I saw you and her talkin'…"_

Stiles let his eyes trail over the crowd and then froze. He tried to peer into the crowd but…someone screamed and he turned, it was two girls hugging one another tightly so he turned back but whatever he thought he might have seen it was gone and he shook himself off ready for the next song.

_"Just two good old boys, never meanin' no harm...  
Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law…"_

Stiles finished playing the set and walked off the little stage in the corner of the student bar. Mark, the guy Stiles was seeing at the moment, was sitting a couple of tables back watching Stiles as he walked through the crowd. Mark stood up and kissed him in a way that was downright indecent for the middle of a public bar but Stiles met him with a smile.

"You were amazing."

"Thank you," Stiles said, drinking the water in front of him quickly before he went near the pint that Mark had bought for him.

"But you seemed to freeze after that first song."

"I thought I saw someone I know," Stiles said, with a shrug. "But I must have been mistaken."

"Who?"

Stiles thought back to the flash, but it couldn't have been him. The hair was different, and he would never have grown a beard. He must have been seeing something. "Just some guy I knew in high school. Haven't seen him in years. I think it was just someone with similar eyes."

"Ex-boyfriend?"

Stiles laughed, loudly and for too long. "Oh my God, no. Never." Stiles laughed again while he tried to catch his breath.

Mark raised his eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Sorry, it's just…you didn't know Derek but the man was allergic to feelings and that is quite possibly the funniest thing I have heard in months."

"So not your first boyfriend then?"

"My first boyfriend was a guy who moved to my high school half way through senior year. He dumped me a couple weeks after we had sex for the first time. Decided he would prefer to be straight."

Mark's eyes softened and he scooted closer to Stiles. "Well, I am certainly gay and I thoroughly enjoyed your show, care to come home with me?"

Stiles smiled brightly and nodded. He couldn't resist turning around and looked around the bar one last time before they left though.

/\/\/\

Stiles gripped the neck of Orpheus as he walked into the hospital. He wasn't holding his father's hand. He was eleven now and he was too big to hold his dad's hand; even if he wanted to…but only a little bit.

They walked up to Claudia's room silently. Stiles was singing the song in his head that he had been practising for his mother as they went into the elevator and walked to her room.

Claudia smiled brightly when she saw them, opening her arms wide and beckoning them in.

"My sweethearts," Claudia said.

"Mum," Stiles wanted to rush to her but he had Orpheus in his arms.

"You have Orpheus."

"I learned a new song for you, Scott helped me."

"A new song?"

Stiles nodded and placed Orpheus on the bottom of the bed before he climbed up to sit next to his mother. "I heard it on the radio and I thought you'd like it."

Claudia pulled him into a tight hug. "I can't wait to hear it."

Stiles smiled and pulled the banjo to him. The song wasn't supposed to be played on one but he didn't want to have to drag Jolene all the way into the hospital, she was too precious for the hospital. He started off nervous and had to stop.

"It's okay, Stiles."

"I've practised it so much," Stiles said, looking down at the blanket, his face collapsing. "Just for you."

Claudia ran her hands through his hair and Stiles looked up at the wrap hiding where her hair was missing. He closed his eyes against the tears and tried again.

_"You always had an eye for things that glittered  
But I was far from being made of gold…"_

"Oh, Stiles," Claudia wiped her eyes and then tugged Stiles closer. "I loved that."

Stiles buried his head into his mother's neck and held her tight.

/\/\/\

"Stiles Stilinski!"

Stiles sighed into the microphone in front of him and the entire audience in the little coffee shop turned towards the door.

"Lydia."

"How dare you be that good a singer without telling me?"

"You might have noticed," Stiles said, waving his arm around the room. "That I'm in the middle of something."

Lydia rolled her eyes and walked through the room, she stared down at a guy sitting at one of the front tables until he moved around, giving her space to sit. "Go on then."

"I'm sorry," Stiles said, fiddling with the guitar in his hands. "In fact, this next song is for Lydia."

Stiles grinned at Lydia who simply glared back at him.

_"She's a hard woman to please,  
And I thought about letting her know…"_

Stiles played out his set and then thanked the audience before he walked off the stage, making way for the next singer. He packed his guitar away, stowed it in one of the artist's lockers and made his way out to Lydia who had managed to get rid of her previous tablemate.

"We dated for almost eight months," Lydia said, the moment Stiles sat down.

"I remember."

"How could you have a talent like this and not tell me?"

"I hadn't played since the day my mother died. She taught me and after she died I refused to play again. I packed Jolene up and I didn't play again until I came here." Lydia's hand had snaked onto his knee while he had been talking. "I feel close to her here and it just doesn't hurt like it did before."

"Then why didn't you tell us as soon as you started playing again? We would have come out and seen you."

"One of the main reasons I didn't tell you."

"When are you playing again?"

Stiles shrugged. "I…"

"Stiles is here every week," the blonde at the next table said. "He's always good." She smiled at him sweetly.

Stiles returned her smile automatically. When she turned back around to her friend he looked at Lydia…and the evil light in her eyes. "Oh, shit," Stiles dropped his head down onto the table in front of him.

"Yeah," Lydia said slowly. "But, I think you have a chance with your blonde fan."

Stiles lifted his head and looked past Lydia to the blonde who was smiling at him again. Stiles sat up the rest of the way and smiled at her widely.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Lydia said, standing and leaving the table. "Then we are going to talk about your song choices."

"I still don't forgive you. And you deserved that song."

Lydia laughed as she walked away.

/\/\/\

"When we get home," Claudia said, wrapping her hand around Stiles' wrist as Sam pushed her out of the hospital. "I think we should get Jolene out. It's been too long since I've heard you play the guitar."

"Okay, Mum," Stiles, eleven, said, twisting his hand around to hold onto his mother's.

"It's all going to go back to normal now," she said. "The cancer's gone and I'm coming home. It'll be just the three of us again."

Stiles had nodded, believing that everything would go back to normal again.

When they got home Claudia settled down into the couch heavily but she sent Stiles up to get Jolene and Orpheus and bring them down into the lounge room.

"Have you learned any new songs?" Claudia asked him.

Stiles nodded.

"Teach me."

"Okay," he ran back up the stairs and grabbed the sheet music he had picked up from the library last week. They spent the rest of the afternoon learning the song on Jolene.

/\/\/\

Stiles looked down at Jolene as he started playing the song.

_"A devil came to my home town,_

_Claws and teeth ripping into me,_

_Down the centre of the life I'd known so long._

_Have you ever thought,_

_What would it take, _

_Take to make me kill someone?_

_That night, with the full moon lighting my way,_

_I took your life with fire and hate. _

_I wonder what my Momma would say. _

_Would my father, sheriff with a badge, _

_Lock me up?_

_I don't know that I'm sorry,_

_Regret don't twist my gut..."_

Stiles opened his eyes into the darkness when he'd finished the song and saw two pinpricks of ice blue light in front of him. He blinked and the light was gone, he looked around the room searching but whatever he thought he might have seen it was gone.

"This is my last song of the night," Stiles said. "Dedicated to someone who haunts me some nights. It's not really country; but if you've been before you know I don't stick to country songs."

Stiles started playing the song, remembering his mother teaching him this song, though she had played it the same way Bob Dylan did. He had made his own changes.

_"When the rain is blowin' in your face  
And the whole world is on your case…"_

Stiles slipped out of the back door of the pub, he desperately needed to get home and study for his exams. He shouldn't have even come out to play tonight be he felt like it was something he needed to do if he was ever going to concentrate on his studying.

He froze just outside of the door when he came face to face with a ghost.

"Derek?"

"You're good," the mirage said, before it disappeared into the dark.

Stiles rushed after the other man but he was gone and Stiles slowly made his way home trying to work out how he felt about Derek, Derek who he'd missed the last four years, suddenly reappearing. He just wished he could have grabbed him, asked him where he'd gone, asked him if he was going to stick around this time.

Stiles didn't get much studying done that night.

/\/\/\

Stiles stood at his parent's bedroom door, he looked through the gap into the room where his mother was lying on her bed. Stiles felt sick, he knew that tired, blue under the eyes look from the last time she had been sick. She was better, she was out of the hospital and didn't have to have injections or anything else but he was worried. She had never slept in, always up early but she was in bed.

"Stiles," his mother called, "stop skulking and come in here."

Stiles walked into the bedroom and climbed up onto the bed next to her.

"I'm tired, Stiles, I'm not sick. I promise."

"Promise, promise?" Stiles asked, curling a little more into her side.

"The doctors said I would be more tired than normal for a while."

"Okay."

"But, one thing I can do in bed is watch television, what are you in love with now?"

"A new cartoon."

"Which is called…?"

"Ben 10."

"About?"

"Well…" Stiles started, launching into an explanation of the show. He watched his mother the whole time he talked, wanting to believe that everything really was going to be just fine.

"Have you got any of it?"

Stiles nodded.

"Then we should be watching it."

Stiles bounced out of the bed in search of what he would need to introduce his mother to the show.

/\/\/\

"So," James, one of the other regular performers at the campus pub, said, sitting down next to Stiles.

"So?"

"We're thinking about putting on a student showcase."

"Again?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"Will you perform?"

"Yeah, assuming it's a good time in my schedule. You know I'm not just here to play music."

"But what else is there?"

"My degree, my future, guys, girls, sex."

James smirked. "The music gets the girls…or the guys, and it always helps with the sex."

Stiles laughed.

A month later, he was sitting on the stage, first to go on because he didn't care where he was in the line-up and the rest of them did, with his eyes closed waiting for the lights to go on. His eyelids flared translucent and he opened them, blinded for a moment, before he smiled.

"Whooo, go Stiles, whoooo."

Stiles laughed and dropped his head in a blush.

"Hi, I'm Stiles…obviously, since I brought my own cheer section, and this is my first song, a little bit country just for y'all."

Stiles took a deep breath and then started playing.

_"She says she hates to sleep alone but she'll do it tonight  
She wants to grab her telephone but she knows it ain't right…"_

When he was done, a few songs later, he walked off the stage holding onto Jolene.

"Stiles!" Isaac called out, striding through the crowd.

Stiles could hear the next singer going onto the stage as he stopped and looked at the group walking towards him. "What are you doing here?"

Lydia smirked at him from where she stood at the back of the pack. "We came to watch you."

"And we are very annoyed that you didn't invite us." Allison said.

"I…" Stiles looked at Scott and shrugged.

"Wait?" Isaac asked, turning around to look at Scott. "You knew?"

"Of course I knew," Scott said. "I used to sing backup."

Stiles laughed, loudly, and shook his head. "I'll be back out in a minute. Then we can-" Stiles froze and squinted into the darkness. The pack turned to follow his gaze but by the time they had turned he was gone. Stiles shook himself off. "We can go and get burgers. Great burgers. I'll be right back."

Stiles turned away from them and rushed into the back room to get Jolene's case and his jacket. Stiles took a moment to step into the bathroom and splash water on his face.

"Derek was not here," he whispered to his reflection in the mirror. "It was an anomaly and you are not going to see him again. Do not start looking for him everywhere just because you had a crush on him years ago. It is bad for you."

His reflection had nothing to say to him so he dried his face off and walked back out to his friends, Jolene bouncing against his leg.

When they were sitting around a table at the burger place the pack all turned to face him, arms folded over their chests waiting for an explanation, except for Scott who was smirking at him – enjoying this.

"We demand an explanation," Danny said.

"My mum was an amazing musician," Stiles started. "She loved country music, all music really, and when I was a kid she taught me to play guitar and banjo. We played together until she died and I never played again. I brought Jolene and Orpheus with me when I came to university because this is where she went. This is where she said she had really learned to play. Someone found them and asked me to play. It took a while but things were different and it doesn't feel as painful anymore, like I'm reliving that last time I played for her, as she died, it's like the rest of the time when it was just us playing and it was the closest I had ever been to her. So I started playing again."

"But you didn't tell us?" Isaac asked.

"I haven't told anyone but Dad and Scott."

"I want to be annoyed," Isaac said.

"Don't be," Scott finally said. "It's a good thing he's playing again but it was his story to tell."

"Then why are you here?" Stiles asked.

Scott shrugged. "I wasn't going to miss seeing you play again. I asked your dad but he couldn't get away from work."

"Thanks."

"I had to organise this little excursion when I found out what you'd been hiding from us." Lydia said.

"I had expected it when you rocked up at one of my gigs."

"Gigs," Danny said, kicking Stiles under the table. "Like you're a musician."

Stiles shrugged at them.

"Meat," Scott said. "I need meat."

"You know," Danny said, "I heard that just the other night."

Scott groaned and punched Danny on the shoulder. "Too damned much info."

Danny shrugged. "Let's order."

"Hi," a redhead said, stopping at their table. "You're Stiles, right? You payed at the showcase tonight."

"Yeah, hi…"

"Caroline," she said smiling, holding out a hand to him. "You were amazing."

"Thank you."

"I don't want to interrupt you and your friends but…here's my number," she handed him a post-it note. "Call me."

"I will, thank you, Caroline."

She smiled and walked away.

"That's right," Stiles said, taking in the looks on his friend's faces. "Stiles went and got game."

"Can you teach me to play?" Isaac asked.

"Please, like you need the help with those fucking dimples," Danny said. "Scott is the one who needs help."

"Hey," Scott said, annoyed. "I have game."

"No, you really don't." Allison said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

Scott pouted. "I got you."

"That has more to do with her questionable taste than anything you did," Lydia said, looking at him with pity.

Scott folded his arms over his chest and glared at her.

"But, I love you and you don't want to attract anyone else so you don't mind, do you?"

Scott opened his mouth and then closed it with a sigh. "Of course not."

Allison smiled and then leaned over to kiss him. "We should eat."

Stiles patted Scott on the back and stood up to walk towards the counter so that he could order.

/\/\/\

Stiles, twelve, sat on the couch, strumming the banjo, trying to pretend that he couldn't hear his parents arguing in the kitchen.

"You shouldn't be overdoing it."

"The cancer is in remission, it's just a trip down to San Francisco."

"Claudia."

"Samuel."

"I'm worried about you."

Stiles knew their argument was winding up as he slipped into actually playing a song instead of just playing. He knew his dad was overprotective, had been since Stiles had been diagnosed with ADHD but Stiles wondered if there was a reason that his dad was so worried at the moment. Stiles had never been as terrified about anything as he was that his mum might get sick again.

"Stiles," his mother said, walking into the lounge room. "We're going to San Francisco next week."

"Mum?"

"Dolly Parton is playing and you and I are going to go and see her. I want you to go to a concert with me. I want to introduce that to you."

"We're all going," Stiles' dad walked in and stood next to Claudia. "Family trip."

Stiles could see the worry on his father's face but he knew his mother wouldn't lie about being sick again so he smiled and allowed himself to be excited about his first concert. His mother had been playing him Dolly Parton music forever and even though she wasn't what any of his friends would think was cool he didn't care because he would still be the first of any of them to actually go to a concert.

The month after they went to the concert his mother was back in the hospital.

/\/\/\

"There is this guy staring at you," Katie said. She had been in one of his classes in his first semester and had never disappeared from his life.

"Oh?" Stiles asked, not looking up from his notes.

"He is without a doubt, the hottest man I have ever seen. I think my ovaries are exploding. Tom Hiddleston might be slipping down my list. That guy from that show about vampires is dead to me. My ex-boyfriend officially on the not side of the hot or not scale and-"

"Fine!" Stiles said, looking up and turning around. He froze. "Derek?"

Stiles stood up and walked towards Derek, who smiled, and slipped out of his booth and out of the door before Stiles had made it halfway across the room. Stiles sighed and swore before he turned around and walked back over to the table.

"Who was that?"

"Derek," Stiles said, with a sigh. "That conversation is so not worth us discussing now. Let's get back to revising."

"I will get the story out of you."

Stiles shrugged. "Not really a story worth telling."

Katie laughed and rolled her eyes. "You are such a liar; I saw the way he was staring at you."

/\/\/\

Stiles, twelve, pulled his backpack further up his shoulder.

"Do you want to come over after school?" Scott asked.

Stiles shook his head, turning towards their class. He knew he didn't have to explain why.

"Okay," Scott said. "Say hi to your mum, another time?"

"Ah, Mr McCall, Mr Stilinski, late again?"

"Sorry, Mrs Daniels," they said in unison and slipped to their seats.

Stiles looked at the back of Scott's head and felt relieved that he at least had Scott who never looked at him like he was the poor little boy whose mother was dying. His father told him she wasn't dying. She told him she wasn't. But Stiles knew better; she had recovered once but he'd been researching and he knew that her chances were a lot worse now.

/\/\/\

Stiles threw the dart and then turned to Cam. "I dominate you."

Cam laughed at him. "You are such a gracious winner."

"Tha-"

"He's here," Katie slammed into Stiles' side. "He's here."

"What?" Stiles asked.

"Who?" Cam said, at the same time.

"Derek," Katie whispered furiously, yanking Stiles around until he could see Derek sitting at a booth.

"Oh," Cam whistled. "Hot."

Stiles walked away from them towards Derek, sitting in a booth alone. He was wearing a pale blue t-shirt under his old, battered leather jacket and Stiles wasn't sure what to make of the colour in his wardrobe or the fact that he was sitting there, tracking Stiles with his eyes and not moving from his spot. Stiles ignored Katie's voice behind him.

He slid into the booth across from Derek. "Hi."

"Stiles."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was drinking a beer."

"No, what are you doing here in Nashville? What are you doing here in a campus pub?"

"I came to see you."

"Why?"

"What are you doing in Nashville?"

Stiles sighed. "That should be obvious; I came here to get a university degree."

"And yet you keep playing music around town."

"My Mum taught me how to play. She came here, to this university too, and I'm enjoying myself. I forgot how much I love playing and singing."

Derek sat silently, watching Stiles for a few long minutes.

"Still haven't worked out how conversations progress?" Stiles asked, fidgeting.

Derek smirked. "I have worked that out, thanks."

"Where have you been?"

Derek's smirk widened into a full blown grin and he relaxed down into the booth. "I wondered how long that would take you."

"That isn't an answer."

"Cora and I moved around for a while and then we settled down so that she could finish school."

"Are you still a beta?"

Derek nodded.

"What are you doing here?"

Derek's phone rang; he shoved a hand into his jacket pocket and answered the call. Stiles watched Derek as the werewolf silently listened to the person on the other end before ending the call and sliding away.

"Goodbye, Stiles."

"Seriously?" Stiles asked, standing as well. "That's it?"

"Sorry."

Stiles turned and watched Derek walk out on him. Again.

Seconds later Katie slammed into his side. "Who was that, because that was you knowing someone, and I want to know everything."

"That…was Derek. And I have nothing else to say. Where's Cam?"

"You cannot leave it there. At the bar, he isn't as curious as I am."

"No one is as curious as you are…well Lydia is but still, and yes," Stiles said, standing up, "I can."

"Oh…" Katie said, slowly. "He's that guy, the one that is behind you never dating anyone for very long."

Stiles froze and then turned. "What?"

"You know, you never quite commit to anyone you date and…"

"Derek is not the reason I…I commit."

"No, you don't," Katie laughed.

"I'm at university; I'm not supposed to be finding someone to marry."

"No…you're not." Katie smiled at him.

"I need to keep studying." Stiles said, going back to their original table.

"Okay," Katie said quietly, behind him.

/\/\/\

Stiles, twelve and a half, waved at Melissa as he rushed towards his door. His father's cruiser was in the driveway which would have made him pause but he wanted to get in and see his mother to see if they could find the song he had heard in music class.

He closed the door behind him and rushed through the empty lounge room and into the kitchen but his mother wasn't there with a sandwich ready for him.

Stiles changed direction and looked in their music room but she wasn't there either. The last week she had been in the room strumming on Jolene when Stiles came home, having lost track of time. She wasn't there either and a heavy, cold feeling took over the excitement of the first music lesson of a new year. He walked up the stairs towards his parent's room slowly. By the time he made it to the top of the stairs he could make out the low murmur of voices but he couldn't hear what they were saying. He dropped his bag next to his door and then crept up to his parent's door.

He stood outside and listened.

"I don't want to worry him," his father said.

Stiles knew he was the _him_.

"I know," his mother said. "He's too serious for a boy so young."

"You're his mother and he's worried about you."

Stiles dropped down to his knees keeping his ear pressed to his parent's door.

"They said I could do my chemotherapy as an outpatient after the surgery."

Stiles froze but there was no more talking from within the room. One word kept cycling around in his head…surgery…surgery…there hadn't been surgery last time. That meant it was worse this time. Stiles stood up and made his way back to his room, throwing his blankets over his head after he crawled into bed.

/\/\/\

Stiles smiled at Katie as she took the stool next to him on stage.

"You ready?"

"No," Katie said, swallowing roughly and looking out at the crowd in front of them.

"Want me to sing something first?"

"Yes."

Stiles smiled and turned to the mic. "Evening, I'm Stiles. You probably all know me by now."

There was a roll of applause from the crowd and Stiles beamed at them.

"Excellent – I had a guest tonight, the lovely woman next to me is my friend Katie and she's going to help me with a song this evening. She's a little shy though so I'm going to sing something first – just for Katie."

Stiles looked down at Jolene and smiled at Katie's gasp before he put his fingers in place and started to strum.

_"You boys ever met a real country girl?_

_Talkin, true blue, out in the woods, down home, country girl…"_

Katie hopped off her stool and kissed him on the cheek as soon as he was done.

"Okay, let's do this."

Stiles fiddled with his guitar strap and then looked out at the crowd. He spotted Derek sitting at the very end of the bar, as far away from the stage as he could be. He was staring at Stiles intensely though.

_"Stand on the bar, stomp your feet, start clapping_

_Got a real good feeling something bad about to happen_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…"_

Katie paused for a second and then launched into her verse. _"Pulled up to the church but I got so nervous_

_Had to back it on up, couldn't make it to the service…"_

The crowd exploded in applause as soon as they stopped and Katie threw her arms around him. "I can see him."

Stiles nodded even as she rushed from the stage. He looked at Derek and smiled before he did his last two songs.

Derek was still sitting at the bar after he had stored his guitar. Stiles waved at Katie but headed for Derek. Stiles slid onto the stool next to the werewolf.

"Hey."

"Hello, Stiles."

"Are you stalking me?" Stiles asked, smiling widely.

"Can I get you something, Stiles," Lane, the bartender asked.

"Yeah, pint of Guinness please."

Lane smiled at him and Stiles turned back to Derek.

"Guinness?"

Stiles shrugged. "I dated an Irish guy for a while."

Derek's left eyebrow quirked.

"So, if you're not stalking me what are you doing here?"

"I like music."

"You like music? That's all you're going to give me?"

"I like your music."

Stiles flushed. "Yeah?"

"You must know you're good." Derek said, looking at Stiles with an intensity Stiles hadn't seen since the werewolf had left Beacon Hills with his sister.

"I'm…I don't know."

"You're good."

"I agree," a woman said, sitting down next to him. "You are good."

"Thank you," Stiles said, smiling at her quickly and turned back to Derek.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she said, prompting Stiles to turn back around and look at her. "I'm Rayna Claybourne."

"Hi, I'm Stiles Stilinski."

Rayna shook his hand and smiled. "I'm here representing the Bluebird."

"The Bluebird?" Stiles asked, stunned. He turned around to share his excitement with Derek only to find the other man gone. "Goddammit." He turned back around and smiled at Rayna. "Sorry."

She smiled at him. "I was wondering if you'd be interested in a chance to play."

"At the Bluebird?"

"Yeah."

"Yes," Stiles said quickly. "That would be amazing. When?"

"Next Wednesday?"

"You're on."

"You don't want to ask any questions."

"No, my mum…" Stiles swallowed harshly and then smiled. "My mum would have loved this. I'll play in the toilet."

Rayna laughed. "I was thinking on the stage. Here's my card. Call me tomorrow and we'll discuss the details."

"I will. Thank you."

She said her goodbyes and slipped out. Stiles immediately pulled out his phone.

"Stiles?" His dad answered, sounding sleepy.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, just napping in front of the TV. What's up?"

"You'll never believe what just happened," Stiles said, telling his father all about it and inviting him to the gig.

/\/\/\

"What's wrong," Scott asked, sliding down the wall until he was sitting next to Stiles.

"Mum is having surgery."

Scott grew silent next to him. They sat in silence long after the bell had gone and they would both have been marked down as absent.

"What type of surgery?" Scott finally asked.

"I don't know, they were talking about it when I got home yesterday."

"They didn't tell you?"

"No!" Stiles said, pulling his legs up and wrapping his arms around them. He buried his face between his knees. Scott sat next to him silently.

/\/\/\

Stiles checked the strings on Jolene and Orpheus sitting on his bed as soon as his class was over on the Wednesday he was playing at the Bluebird. He put them into their cases and went to have a shower. He came back and pulled Jolene back out of her case with his towel still wrapped around his hips. He ran through tuning it again before he pulled out his usual outfit. He always wore the same thing and he threw the jeans and a black jumper onto the bed before he stood in front of his wardrobe and wondered if he should choose something else for a gig like this. He had a huge essay due the next day that wasn't finished but he couldn't focus on anything but this performance.

Stiles was staring at his wardrobe without really seeing the clothes in front of him when there was a knock on his door. He opened the door to find Lydia standing on the other side.

"What are you doing here?"

"I had a feeling you were stressing out." Lydia said simply and brushed past him.

"How?"

She walked into the room, kicking the door closed behind her. "I know you, darling."

"Don't call me that."

Lydia laughed and tucked Jolene back into her case carefully. "You've been performing for two years but Scott and I were talking and I realised that this was going to freak you out. Scott is just much too soft for this talk. So…get dressed, grab your instruments and let's go."

"Should I wear something different?"

"No," Lydia said, grabbing his top and handing it to him. "You always wear this."

"Always?"

"You do know that the pub has a website with videos, right?"

Stiles flushed. "I did, but I assumed you guys wouldn't find it."

She made a face at him and even Stiles had to admit it was pretty stupid to think that she wouldn't have done all sorts of research on him.

"Fine," he said, digging into his drawer for some underwear. He would have asked her to leave but she'd just sit back, look him up and down, and then tell him she'd seen it _all_ before. So he turned his back on her and dropped his towel to get dressed.

"When did you get a tattoo?" Lydia asked, seconds later the redhead was poking his backside.

Stiles jumped and pulled away from her. "A year or so ago."

"You never told me."

Stiles pulled on the underwear in his hands and rolled his eyes as soon as he'd turned around to face her. "I am almost certain you don't need to know my personal body choices."

"It's Latin, who did you get to check it."

Stiles winked at her. "A friend checked my translation."

Lydia shook her head at him. "Was he a trustworthy friend?"

"What makes you think it was a he?"

Lydia smiled brightly. "You have a particular smirk that comes with guys. Completely different from your hooked up with a woman grin."

"Isaac?"

She shrugged. "He's so perceptive."

Stiles pulled on the rest of his clothes and stood in front of Lydia for inspection. "Well?"

"You'll do."

"You are so good for my self-esteem."

"Let's go."

"There is an hour and a half before I go on."

"The pack's all here to have dinner, or whatever."

"The whole pack?"

"And your dad."

"So why did you come up to get me then?"

"I was voted as the one most likely to make you get your arse in gear."

"Something to be proud of." Stiles said, grabbing his instrument cases while Lydia opened the door.

Katie and Cam were standing on the other side of the door looking startled.

"Hey!" Katie said, recovering quickly. "Hey…girl I don't know."

"This is Lydia," Stiles smiled.

"As in _the Lydia_?" Katie asked.

Lydia turned around and looked at Stiles, one eyebrow quirking up.

"Yes," Stiles sighed, resigned to his fate.

Katie slapped the folded paper she was holding into Cam's chest and grabbed Lydia's elbow. "You and I need to talk."

"Okay," Lydia said, allowing herself to be dragged down the hall.

"Cam, help Stiles with his cases and keep up."

Cam looked at Stiles and shrugged. He put the paper under his arm and grabbed Orpheus's case.

"This is going to end badly," Stiles said, following behind Lydia and Katie.

"It always does with Katie."

"You are so full of shit. You'd follow her into Hades."

Cam looked down at the guitar case in his hands and laughed nervously, his eyes flicking to Katie's back and then back down. Stiles clapped Cam on the back with his spare hand and started following behind the girls. Lydia drove them to a pub near the Bluebird to find the whole pack standing outside. Stiles was yanked into the middle of the group by Isaac and enveloped in a hug by Allison.

"Hey guys."

"Can you eat before a gig?" Scott asked, leading the way into the pub.

"Not this one."

Stiles' dad threw an arm over his shoulder. "We'll just have a drink then."

Stiles allowed himself to be pulled into the booth next to his dad and tried to smile.

"Scotch and coke," Stiles told his dad with a broad smile.

Sam shook his head at Stiles but went to the bar and bought him a drink anyway.

-)(-)(-

An hour later, Stiles took a deep breath and smiled while the bright lights flicked on in front of his eyes.

"Hi," Stiles started, his voice a little rougher than he would have liked. "I'm Stiles Stilinski and I'd like to play a few songs for you."

Scott screamed out his name and then sunk down in his seat.

Stiles smiled and felt the tension lift as he looked at his friends. "I also brought my own cheerleaders. This first one is by Dolly Parton and was one of my mother's favourites."

_"Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene,_

_I'm begging of you please don't take my man..."_

Stiles sang all of his favourites. Then he closed his eyes and sang the song about his mother. He didn't want to look at his father while he was doing it.

"Thank you all for listening, have a good night."

Stiles walked out of the performance area and towards his group. His father stood up immediately and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you," Sam said into his ear. "And your mum would have loved that."

"Thank you," Stiles said, sitting down.

Rayna walked over towards them a few minutes later and sat down in the empty seat next to Stiles.

"Hi, Rayna, this is…my family."

"Hello," she said. "Stiles, can we talk?"

Stiles nodded and followed Rayna into the office behind the bar.

"Tonight went well," she said as soon as they sat down.

Stiles beamed at her. "I had a great time."

"It went so well we're interested in offering you a more permanent spot."

"What?"

"Weekly slot, same night, same time."

Stiles bounced his knee while he thought about it. He would like to say yes. It would be a great opportunity, something his mother would have loved, something that he would love to do. It was every dream he'd had as a little kid listening to his mother's music but he was here in Nashville to study.

"You don't have to answer right now," Rayna said.

"I came to study and I just wonder if it will be too much."

"Think about it, call me by the end of the week and let me know."

"Okay," Stiles said, going back out to his group.

By the end of the night he had been convinced to take the gig.

/\/\/\

Stiles, twelve and three-quarters, sat in one corner of the waiting room and gripped his pen tighter as he thought about his next line. His mother had given him this notebook after she had finally told him that she was having surgery. It was part of a set. The other notebook was filled with blank sheet music.

His mother had taught him sheet music and they had talked about song writing. Stiles didn't think it was that different to the poems his teachers made him write. And he'd always done really well with poetry from his first acrostic MOTHER'S DAY poem. He liked writing songs, and he was coming to enjoy putting a melody to them. He couldn't concentrate today though. He had been at the library yesterday researching surgery. The school librarian had used that expression that set Stiles' teeth on edge and made him want to hit something. She had helped him do the research though and now he knew how bad it was that she was going in for surgery.

His father was still pretending.

His mother had told him that everything would be okay as they wheeled her away.

Stiles wanted to believe her.

The words on the page told him he didn't.

/\/\/\

Stiles had been flicking through his own song writing notebooks ever since he'd taken the gig at the Bluebird. He hadn't been able to look at the one in his hand though. This one, the oldest…and yet most pristine book had never left the back of his closet. He had it now, heavier than it should be in his hands and he thumbed through the pages for the first time in almost a decade.

He hadn't been able to get this song out of his head though. He'd been thinking about it ever since his father had hugged him before he'd headed back to Beacon Hills that last time. Stiles had started writing the lines from this song on the edge of his class notes. He had tried to push this song out of his mind after he'd written it – sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. He had never truly succeeded though and playing at the Bluebird had made it almost impossible for him to keep pushing these lyrics out of his mind.

Stiles opened the notebook to the right page and traced his fingers along the lines he'd written so many years ago. He slammed the notebook shut and shoved it back under his mattress. He pulled his text book over and forced himself to concentrate on it until he had to sleep.

_Stiles' mum was sitting in front of him, strumming at Orpheus. _

_"Mum?"_

_"Stiles, what are you doing?"_

_Stiles shrugged, not sure what she meant. _

_"Pain is never a bad thing – it's what drives us to find something better. Hiding it isn't right; you've got to get it all out."_

_"What?"_

_She smiled at him and started singing… _

_"You know she told me don't worry,_

_you know she said it would all be fine._

_You know she lied when she said it was gone,_

_I know she ain't going to be okay. _

Stiles woke with a start, the sheets around him drenched with his own sweat. He threw the covers off and swallowed down the glass of water by his bed and threw himself back down onto the pillows. He couldn't lie there though not with his mother's singing voice floating through his head. He went downstairs and into the kitchen not sure what he was going to do.

"What's wrong?"

Stiles startled and turned around to look at his dad. "Did I wake you?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't sleep that well these days."

Stiles turned and poured his father a glass of milk.

Sam smiled and sat down at the kitchen table. "I used to get you glasses of milk when you couldn't sleep."

"I remember, it's because milk contains tryptophan which causes your brain to release serotonin."

"It doesn't actually do anything," Sam said, sipping at his milk. "It's a placebo."

"They also say that yawning isn't contagious but I've never been able to avoid yawning if someone else does it in front of me."

"What are you doing up, Stiles?"

Stiles sighed and got himself a glass of milk before his sat down across from his father.

"Well?"

"I had a dream about Mum."

Just for a moment Sam's face clouded over before it cleared again and he tilted his head at Stiles. "Want to tell me about it?"

"She was singing a song."

Sam frowned, prompting Stiles to continue.

"Something I wrote a long time ago when she was in the hospital having surgery."

Sam couldn't force his face back into a normal expression this time and Stiles dropped his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"We have to be able to talk about her."

"I knew she was having that surgery before you told me," Stiles explained. "I had been researching it before she even told me."

"We didn't want you to be worried."

"I know that, I knew that, but I'm me, Dad, and research is what I do. I think that's what started it if I'm completely honest. I remember her hugging me when she was in her hospital room and telling me everything was going to be okay. I didn't believe her because I'd been reading about surgery and I knew how bad this was. Getting sick again was bad enough but surgery."

"It was a last resort," Sam said quietly.

"I know, I knew then and as I sat in the waiting room I was writing."

"I remember," Sam's voice grew weaker as he spoke and Stiles wished his father had never woken up. "You sat there trying so hard not to cry and scribbling on the notebook."

"I was writing a song about Mum."

"And?"

"I keep thinking about it. I've been thinking about it since I accepted the regular gig at the Bluebird."

"She loved that place."

Stiles nodded.

"Play me the song."

"No."

Sam sighed. "Stiles."

"It's not something I ever want you to hear."

"But you dreamed about her singing it."

"Yeah."

"Which means it's important and I want to hear it."

"No."

"Stiles," Sam reached over the table and grabbed Stiles' hand. "I think this is important."

"It's just a dream."

Sam was silent for a few long minutes and then he let out a shuddering breath and looked at Stiles. Stiles froze at the look on his father's face.

"I know I wasn't good after she died. I know I drank too much and I refused to talk about her. I sent you to shrinks; I tried to get people to help you talk about it because I felt like the left side of my chest had been blown off. I drank so that I didn't feel and I drank so that I could sleep but I never meant to make things worse for you. I look back at that time and I'm ashamed of myself, Stiles. I'm your father, I should have been the person helping you deal with that but I couldn't deal with it and didn't know what to do to help you. You spent so much time with Melissa and Scott in that first eighteen months I can never repay her for everything she did for you. I know she doesn't expect me to because she loved your mother so much."

"She was so sad back then as well," Stiles said quietly, looking down at the table. "It was comforting to be with her knowing she was hurting but coping."

"It was better than being with me."

"I was scared."

Sam's face twisted painfully and Stiles wanted to swallow the words back down.

"I'm so sorry for not being what you needed."

"I didn't understand then," Stiles said, hoping to make this better. "I do now. And I look back and I loved her so much that losing her was indescribably bad and it was worse for you."

"That's not good enough. I'm your father it was my job to be there for you, to be better for you and I fell into this hole for over a year when I should have been there for you."

"Dad."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, that's the point."

"Yes I do," Sam said, looking away and rubbing at his eyes. "I failed you and now everything I didn't help you deal with then is coming back."

"Oh, Dad, I'm okay."

"No, well…yes, you're more than okay but everything you've been doing the last two years, everything you've been doing with music and going to Nashville it's been bringing things up for you. It's been bringing things up for me."

"I know, you look sad when you see me even if you also look happy."

"And I think you need to deal with them," Sam said. "And maybe I do too."

"It's not a good song, Dad."

"Let me hear it."

Stiles nodded, walking into the living room for his guitar and sitting down on the couch. He knew his father would be able to hear him but they wouldn't be able to see one another and he could not do this if he had to look at his father or if he was being watched.

_"You know she told me don't worry,_

_you know she said it would all be fine._

_You know she lied when she said it was gone,_

_I know she ain't going to be okay._

_They thought I wouldn't understand,_

_But I've been watching them. _

_I can see her getting worse,_

_I know she's going to die_

_He looked me in the eyes,_

_While they lied to me. _

_She told me she was okay._

_Then she went into surgery._

_They thought I wouldn't understand_

_But I've been watching them. _

_I can see her getting worse,_

_I know she's going to die…"_

Stiles had to stop singing, looking down at the floor when he heard his dad walk into the room. Sam sat next to him on the couch and wrapped his arms around Stiles. Stiles let the guitar slip out of his fingers and turned to wrap his arms around his father.

/\/\/\

Stiles put the notebook away when his mother's surgeon walked into the waiting room.

"Mr Stilinski?"

"Yes," Sam said, shooting up of the hard plastic chair.

"The surgery went well; your wife is in recovery. You will be able to see her soon."

"Everything was okay?"

"The surgery went exactly as we could have hoped for. We will need to do more tests but everything is looking positive at the moment."

Sam sagged and pulled Stiles towards him and into a hug.

"She's going to be okay, Stiles."

Stiles didn't trust those words anymore.

/\/\/\

Stiles wriggled his backside on the stool and smiled out at the audience in front of him.

"I was going to sing an original song tonight but I've been thinking about my mother a lot lately and…"

Derek smiled at Stiles from where the human had just spotted him at the end of the bar. Stiles shook himself and smiled at the crowd again.

"…and she loved this song so I'm going to sing it first."

Stiles couldn't help but feel that this song was fitting given he couldn't drag his eyes away from Derek now.

_"I go out walkin' after midnight_

_Out in the moonlight, just like we used to do…"_

Stiles sang out the rest of his set with his eyes caught by Derek's. He debated between each song if he should do something about it. What he should do about it. He wanted to talk to the other man but Derek disappeared more often than Stiles ever managed to catch up to him. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he prepared to sing the last song.

"This is my last one of the night and it's dedicated to an old friend who is in the audience tonight. He's a bit of a ghost and I just can't seem to pin him down but this is for him anyway."

Derek smiled at Stiles widely something he never would have done all of those years ago. Back then Stiles would have put money on Derek having a nice smile and he was right. Derek smiling properly made his cheeks dimple and the corner of his eyes crinkle. Stiles could see it from the performing area and it convinced him that singing the song was a good idea.

_"Dad told me not to follow._

_He said there was something dark,_

_something bad and dangerous,_

_where he was going. _

_He should have known better, _

_Listening is one of my weaknesses._

_Along with bright blue eyes _

_And a broken soul."_

Stiles had forgotten about the chorus, how on earth could he have forgotten about the chorus? This was a terrible song to sing. He couldn't stop now though. He couldn't stop and he couldn't change it and if Derek had half a brain he would be able to work out exactly who Stiles knew that was broken and sad with electric blue eyes. Stiles wanted to sink down to the floor and disappear through the centre of the earth.

_"I feel eyes on me,_

_walking through the dark trees._

_I wonder what had come for me,_

_down, down, where the beasts growl._

_I walk alone, and wonder,_

_why didn't I listen,_

_to my father?"_

It hadn't been Stiles' fault that he couldn't stop thinking about Derek. The man was _hot_ and he never wore a shirt and he was physical and Stiles was a teenager. Sexual fantasies were completely normal. And Stiles had missed him when he left because Derek knew things that he could never research but it surprised him to realise that he would still be very interested in getting to know Derek better now. Apparently he still had a weakness for…whatever Derek represented to his psyche.

_"I was warned,_

_Something dangerous is in the woods_

_I was told not to go outside._

_Don't go into the woods_

_There's something bad in those woods_

_Something that wants to rip me apart."_

Stiles started planning out his escape even as his fingers moved between the strings without thought. He hadn't looked up since he'd remembered what this song was about. He could hear a low rumble, something so deep that most people would assume it was the muffler of some muscle car but Stiles knew better and even though he didn't mean to he looked up and caught Derek's eyes. The werewolf was staring at him intensely and now that Stiles was looking at him he couldn't force himself to look away.

_"I know something is watching me,_

_I look and I'm not afraid, _

_It can't be so bad, _

_Being dragged down,_

_down into the dark by you._

_They should have known better, _

_Listening is one of my weaknesses._

_Along with bright blue eyes _

_And a broken soul."_

Stiles finished and felt his mouth quirk into smirk for Derek before his eyes flickered over the crowd. "I'm Stiles Stilinski, thanks for listening tonight."

He stood up and unplugged his guitar just as the lights shining on him disappeared. He let out a long shaking breath and forced himself to focus on methodically breaking down his stuff.

"Hey."

Stiles turned knowing it wasn't Derek and kind of wanting it to be him anyway.

"Hi."

"That was amazing," the guy in front of him said.

Stiles couldn't resist smiling. "Thank you, I'm Stiles."

"Oliver," the guy said, holding his hand out. "Especially that last song, I don't know what umm, I don't know who that was about but it was really awesome."

Stiles checked the guy out quickly, a couple of years older than him but shy, Asian with ears that poked out a little and a nice jaw. Stiles could easily have been interested. He would be any other night and he felt like a jerk for continuing to wonder if Derek had immediately slipped out of the bar. He looked up even while he told himself he wouldn't and caught the eye of another man who was glaring at him fiercely. Stiles frowned at him and the guy, younger than Oliver but older than him, with immaculate stubble, perfect hair and a very pretty face, only glared at Stiles harder.

Then Stiles couldn't resist smiling broadly at him. "Tell me, Oliver, did you come with a very attractive man that spends too much on personal grooming?"

"Connor?" Oliver asked, turning around, prompting Connor's face to immediately smooth out.

"I think so."

"What about him?" Oliver asked, looking at Stiles guilelessly.

"I think he'd prefer it if you didn't hit on me."

Oliver laughed. "He doesn't do relationships and we tried something casual," Oliver coloured and looked down at the guitar sitting on the chair, he reached out and fiddled with one of the strings as he silently tried to find the words.

Stiles wanted to pull him into a hug, then cop a feel and hope that Connor stopping acting like an arse and made a play for Oliver who was obviously interested.

"It's nothing." Oliver finished, weakly.

"He's an idiot," Stiles offered.

"So is the guy you wrote that song about," Oliver told him, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"He was in the bar earlier."

"Really? Is he still here?" Oliver turned around to look, turning a full circle and coming back to Stiles.

Stiles looked up and spotted Derek, leaning against the bar smiling at him. It would only take him a couple of steps to walk over too and…Stiles shook his head.

"Hey, Derek, come and meet my new friend Oliver."

Derek smiled and closed the distance between them. "Hello, Oliver."

Oliver stuttered out something and smiled widely at Stiles. "I'll leave you to it."

"I like to grab something to eat after a gig," Stiles offered, "do you and your friend want to join me."

"Join us," Derek said. "I'm taking Stiles out to eat tonight. You should come too."

"Yeah?" Stiles asked, looking at Derek.

"Yeah."

"You going to talk tonight?"

"I was planning to."

"Before or after the last song?" Stiles asked, and then wished he could swallow the words back down.

"Before. The last song was good though."

"It wasn't just good," Oliver cut in. "It was amazing."

"It was alright."

Oliver turned around and yanked the man who just spoken closer. "Connor, this is Stiles and his friend Derek. I'm going to dinner with them."

Connor's face dropped and paled. "Both of them?"

Stiles had to bite down on the inside of his mouth to keep from smiling. "Course, you can come too."

Oliver turned and looked at Connor hopefully.

They all ended up walking down to the burger bar on the corner as soon as Stiles had locked all of his equipment into the boot of his car.

/\/\/\

"Stiles," his mother said, weakly reaching out towards him.

Stiles looked down at the blanket and walked towards her, allowing herself to be pulled into a tight hug.

"I'm okay, Stiles," she said, patting his hair.

Stiles nodded against her collarbone. "Yeah, Mum."

She held him tighter. "It's all going to be okay now, honey."

"Of course," Stiles said because he knew that's what she wanted to hear but he didn't believe it anymore.

/\/\/\

"You do realise," Derek said, voice low in Stiles' ear, "that Connor is contemplating ways to hide your body."

Stiles startled and turned around to find Derek leaning against the bar next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"You were playing earlier."

Stiles grinned at Derek. "I didn't see you."

Derek shrugged lazily and looked past Stiles to where Connor, Oliver, Katie and Cam were sitting at a booth.

"Are you going to be sociable and come over tonight?" Stiles asked.

Derek picked up the tray that was put down in front of Stiles, his arm muscles flexing slowly, and smirked at the human. "I'd best help you survive the night."

Stiles huffed and followed Derek to the table, sliding into the booth next to Oliver and crowding the other man farther into the wall. Connor glared at him but Cam had the other man trapped on the opposite side of the booth where he and Katie were involved in a ferocious and almost silent argument. Derek pulled a chair over to sit at the end of the table even though Stiles had made sure there was enough room for him on the bench.

Oliver flushed next to Stiles when the younger man didn't move away and give him more space.

"I got you another cider, Oliver," Stiles said, sliding the pint glass towards the other man, not letting go until Oliver had wrapped his own fingers around the cold glass.

"Thank you."

"He asked for one," Connor grumbled into his own new drink.

"I did," Oliver confirmed, sipping his drink.

"Oliver," Stiles said, turning his body even more into the Filipino's space. "Tell us more about the job interview you had."

Oliver flushed. "I-I…well, I'm not even sure if I interviewed well. It's for a…um, well, a medical research firm."

"I'm sure you did amazingly," Stiles said, pressing a hand to Oliver's knee and pinching a little to make the other man jump. Stiles watched Connor's face darkening out of the corner of his eye and smiled brightly at Oliver. "Tell us all about it."

"I…they…well, it would be an amazing opportunity, they contacted me as a result of some…work I did a year ago that got some publicity."

Stiles bounced a little in excitement and jostled Oliver. "Like Hackers?"

Connor laughed bitterly. "How current."

Oliver' voice drowned him out. "I love that movie – I realised I was gay because of my crush on Jonny Lee Miller."

Stiles' face spread into a wide smile. "I was confused because I was torn between him and Angelina Jolie."

Oliver laughed at him and ducked his head down, trying to hide the wide smile. Stiles turned and looked at Connor hoping that he would see the same desire to make Oliver stop ducking his head when he smiled.

"Yo, Stiles," one of the waitresses called, waving at him.

Stiles looked up and smiled at Janine.

"Rayna needs to see you."

Stiles looked around the table and winked at Derek before he stood up and followed Janine out the back and into Rayna's office.

"Hey, Rayna."

"I need to talk to you about Christmas."

"It's four months away."

Rayna stared at him silently.

"And that obviously is a stupid thing to say."

Rayna smiled at him. "Are you going home or will you be in town."

"I was planning on going home."

Rayna stared at him.

Stiles laughed and sank down into a chair. "My dad has made noises about coming to Nashville for Christmas. I'll see if he wants to come this year."

"Good."

"I definitely need to stop attracting women into my life that like to make me come to better decisions."

"Just women."

Stiles thought about Scott, who let Stiles convince him to make bad choices and he laughed. "I'll invite you out next time they come to see me play and you'll understand."

"What about the one who stares at you all the time at your gigs?"

"Who?"

Rayna laughed. "You are a terrible liar."

"I'll let you know about Christmas by next Wednesday."

"I'll buy your father dinner if he comes."

Stiles froze and turned back to Rayna. "You think my dad's hot."

Rayna glared at him. "You do realise I'm your booking agent, right?"

"It's good to know he's still got game – it makes me feel better about the future."

"In that case you're blind."

Stiles frowned at her. "What?"

"Let me know about Christmas, Stiles."

Stiles turned around and left Rayna knowing he'd been dismissed. He found Connor sitting next to Oliver, his arm strung out over the back of the booth behind the bespectacled man. Stiles smiled at Connor in the face of the other man's glare. He looked at Cam and Katie who were now involved in a discussion with Derek and then slid into the booth next to Connor.

"There is space over there," Connor told him.

"But I was sitting here."

Connor glared at him. "Or are you just trying to annoy me."

"That depends entirely on whether your head is still stuck up your arse," Stiles said quietly, smiling at Connor smugly.

"It's not."

"Then we're good," Stiles said, turning to join in on their conversation happening on the other side of the table.

"So," Katie said, slapping a hand over Cam's mouth. "What did Rayna want? Does she want you to move to another night, more nights? Does she want to give you more money?"

"She wants me to work Christmas."

Katie deflated. "That is depressing."

"Dad has mentioned coming here for Christmas one year so this would be a good one."

"You're going to be here for Christmas?" Katie asked. Then she turned and looked at Cam. "Stiles is going to be here for Christmas."

Stiles smiled and then turned to wink at Oliver. "Maybe we can hang out."

Stiles startled when he felt a hot hand wrap around his wrist. He turned and looked at Derek, his heartbeat kicking up under Derek's fingers.

"Leave him alone," Derek mumbled so quietly Stiles almost missed it.

"Oliver, we're leaving."

"What?" Stiles and Oliver said together, turning to look at Connor.

"Come on, we need to talk," Connor said, shoving at Stiles and grabbing Oliver's hand.

Stiles caught himself and stood up, Derek's hand dropping off his wrist and leaving the skin unnaturally cold while Connor dragged Oliver out of the bar.

"Someone's getting lucky tonight," Katie whistled.

"So long as Oliver holds out until Connor makes him a reasonable deal."

"Deal?" Cam asked.

"Yeah, like the one you should be making Katie about taking her on a date."

"See," Katie said, turning and glaring at Cam. "I told you."

"And I said I was happy to take you on a date, I've been trying to for like eighteen months."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I hate Japanese food."

"Fine! We'll go to a Mexican restaurant then."

"Good."

"I am just so awesome," Stiles said.

"I'm waiting until after the date before I decide how awesome you are," Katie told him.

Stiles smiled. "You're going to agree that I'm awesome."

"Maybe," Cam ceded.

Katie's phone rang and she sighed. "I have to go; I've got a test tomorrow."

"I'll walk you home." Cam offered, standing up.

Stiles smiled at them both smugly. They slipped out of the booth and Katie kissed Stiles on the cheek before leaving with Cam.

"Have you finished matchmaking for the evening?" Derek asked.

Stiles looked around the table. "It certainly looks like I have."

"Another drink?"

Stiles nodded, relaxing in the booth and smiling at Derek.

/\/\/\

"What's happening?" Stiles, thirteen, asked, walking into his house and finding suitcases against the wall.

"We're going on a holiday," his mother said, walking out of the lounge room.

"What?"

Stiles' dad came down the stairs carrying another suitcase. "We're driving to Nashville."

"What?" Stiles asked, looking between his parents.

"You've got a week off," his mother reminded him. "So we're going to drive to Nashville, we're going to show you around the town where we met."

"In a week?" Stiles asked, mentally working out how long it was going to take them to drive to Nashville.

"We're taking a couple of weeks," his mother said, "we haven't had a holiday in a long time."

Stiles looked past his mother to his father. "Why?"

Claudia smiled and pulled Stiles into a hug. "My test results came back clear."

Stiles pulled back and stared at her. He wanted to believe her, he wanted to believe the test results but honestly he wasn't sure if he could believe this a second time because last time she got sick again.

"It's true, Stiles," his father said, lying a heavy hand on Stiles' shoulder. "Your mum's going to be fine."

"It's going to be amazing, Stiles," his mother continued. "We're going to go and listen to singers live at the Bluebird and we're going to visit all of the places that your dad and I loved when we were at university. It's going to be great."

"And you're better?" Stiles asked. "Completely?"

"Completely!" Claudia said firmly.

/\/\/\

_"I knew I was helpless,_

_I couldn't do anything,_

_I wanted to fix you,_

_I needed you to be okay._

_Nothing was going to save you,_

_you were always going to die._

_I wanted to stop death,_

_I would have done anything._

_It didn't change a thing_

_Every day you were weaker._

_Every night you were tired,_

_And thin and dying._

_Nothing was going to save you,_

_you were always going to die._

_I wanted to stop death,_

_I would have done anything. _

_I watched the doctors test you,_

_and you never got one answer right._

_I looked up everything,_

_thought I could keep you alive._

_But nothing helped,_

_you were my whole damned world._

_Then you died,_

_and Dad and I were broken inside. _

_Nothing I could do to save you,_

_you were always going to die._

_I just wanted to stop death,_

_I would have done anything. _

_Useless, and helpless,_

_Broken, and grieving, _

_A little boy lost,_

_next to his mother's grave."_

Stiles didn't bother to stop long enough to say anything after that song, slipping immediately into his mother's favourite singer. He knew she'd have loved this song if she had lived long enough to hear it, and it fit his mood tonight perfectly.

_"What will I do when you are gone?_

_Who's gonna tell me the truth?…"_

"My mother loved Dolly Parton," Stiles said, after taking a sip of water. "And this one was one of her favourites as well. I hope you'll like it too."

Stiles knew he should have accepted Scott's offer to come up tonight. Stiles should have called in sick so he could have just hidden under his covers like any sane person would on a day like today. Instead he picked up Jolene up and started to strum at the guitar.

_"Little sparrow, little sparrow_

_Precious fragile little thing…"_

"That was different set tonight," Derek said, startling Stiles even though the other man had been at every single one of Stiles' gigs since the night they had gone to dinner with Oliver and Connor.

"A bit."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, rolling up the leads that Stiles used exactly like the younger man wanted them.

"Bad day."

"Stiles."

Stiles rubbed his nose and shook his head. "I just need-"

"Stiles."

Stiles span around and looked at his father who looked like he was only just holding himself back from crying.

"Dad?"

"I'll just…" Derek started, stepping back.

"No," Sam said, holding up a hand. "You can stay, Derek."

"Dad, you didn't tell me you were coming."

"We always spend today together, I'm sorry I'm late."

Stiles walked over and hugged his father tightly.

"I'm sorry," Sam said again into Stiles' hair.

"I didn't want you to hear that song."

"Why."

"It's not very good."

Sam sighed and pulled away from his son. "It was good."

"I wrote it when I was fourteen. It was terrible but I needed to sing it tonight. I've never played on the anniversary of her death before."

Sam pulled him back into another hug. When Stiles pulled away completely Derek was standing awkwardly next to Stiles' equipment – completely packed.

"Dad, you remember Derek."

"Who is leaving, see you next week, Stiles."

"You really don't have to go, Derek," Sam said.

"I do."

"Nope," Stiles said, grabbing Derek's wrist. "If you leave us alone we will just wallow in stories about Mum. If you come we will have to be on our best behaviour."

"You shouldn't need to be on your best behaviour tonight," Derek said, smiling at them both.

"I think it's safest for both of us," Sam said, attempting a smile but not quite making it all the way to a comforting one. "You can fill me in on what you've been doing since you left Beacon Hills."

Derek looked at Sam more closely. "You remember me?"

"You were accused of murder and were seen hanging out with my son."

Stiles sighed and dropped his head down into his palm. "Dad."

"I'm the Sheriff, I have, and did have, eyes everywhere."

Stiles opened his mouth and then closed it, deciding he didn't want to bring up a reminder of all of the things that his father had missed about his life at that time.

"So, you'll come," Sam said, clapping Derek on the back.

/\/\/\

"This," Stiles' mum said, waving a hand around the square of grass, "is the university that your father and I went to."

"I'm going to come here for university one day," Stiles decided.

Claudia smiled and turned around, looking at the buildings. "I look forward to driving you to school when you're older then, my Stiles."

Stiles looked at the large trees and redbrick buildings and hoped that she would be able to drive him to school and embarrass him.

/\/\/\

_"My daddy left home when I was three_

_And he didn't leave much to ma and me…"_

Stiles couldn't get the last performance out of his head – sitting here and singing about his mother and he knew it was affecting his ability to sing tonight.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight to listen to me," Stiles said, smiling out at the audience and making his eyes flit over Derek instead of holding there like he wanted to. "I'll be back again next week."

Stiles left the stage and started packing up, wanting to get out of the building and away from the audience that had just seen his subpar show, as quickly as possible.

"What's the rush?" Derek asked.

Stiles sighed. "That was terrible."

"What was?"

"My set."

"It was…"

"Exactly," Stiles said, turning around.

Derek smiled. "I didn't say anything."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "I was off my game."

Derek clicked Orpheus' case closed and then buried his hands in his pockets.

"Take me out to dinner?" Stiles said, to fill the silence.

"Sure," Derek said, picking the instrument cases. "How do you feel about Italian?"

"I feel good about Italian."

Stiles collected the rest of his stuff and followed Derek out of the Bluebird and to his car.

Half an hour later they were sitting in a little Italian restaurant that was jam packed full of people. His knees were pressed into Derek's under the small table and he was glad since he wouldn't have been able to hear anything the other man said if they weren't so close. They were sharing garlic bread while waiting for their main meals and talking about what Derek had done after he left Beacon Hills. He and Cora had made it as far as New York where Cora finished high school. She went to Europe for a gap year which prompted Derek to travel again until he'd made it to Nashville where he'd ended up finding a job and was still living.

"So, what do you do?"

"I work in music," Derek said simply, sipping his wine.

"Really? That explains a lot. So, other than work what do you do?"

"I play for a charity baseball league."

Stiles couldn't resist smiling. "Do you have a uniform?"

"Of course."

"When can I see you in this uniform?"

"My next game is Saturday at ten."

"I'm there."

Derek smiled. "Will you have a sign?"

"With glitter on it."

Their food was put down in front of them before Derek had a chance to respond so Stiles started planning out his sign for the game.

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asked when Stiles was halfway through his plate of ravioli.

"All the words that rhyme with Derek."

Derek just shook his head at Stiles.

"There will be a sign, it will be epic, and it will rhyme."

"And what have you come up with that rhymes with Derek?"

"Barbaric…which I think would work out quite well – perhaps with some sort of Viking reference."

"I'm not a Viking."

"No, but Vikings are hot."

Derek just stared her him.

Stiles shrugged. "I've also got alphanumeric, alphabetic, and esoteric."

"Those are going to make some amazing rhymes."

"Sarcastic," Stiles accused. "I could go with Hale…Go, go, Derek Hale, hit that ball, run faster than a snail, to make them fall."

Derek laughed. "You are kidding me right, you're a songwriter."

Stiles shrugged. "You knew I was having an off night."

"But that was terrible."

"I'll come up with something better for Saturday."

"You'd better. I have a reputation to uphold."

Stiles laughed. "And what type of reputation do you have?"

Derek shrugged. "This will be the first time someone's brought a sign to one of my games so I suppose you'll find out for me."

"The first time?"

"Yes."

"That seems like it means something."

"It could."

Stiles smirked at Derek. "Dessert at your place then?"

Derek barked out a surprised laugh and nodded – ducking her head down and looking at the food on his plate.

/\/\/\

Stiles, thirteen and a half, took a deep breath and looked around the room. Scott was sitting there next to his father, Melissa was sitting squashed next to Claudia on the couch, and Stiles' father was sitting on the floor next to his mother's knees.

"Are you ready, Stiles?" Claudia asked.

Stiles took another deep breath and looked down at Jolene. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Come on, Stiles," Scott encouraged. "You practised in front of me."

Stiles flushed while Scott's father wrapped the arm not holding a bottle of beer around him.

"Right," Stiles said, testing out the strings on the guitar and then smiling at everyone. "Are you ready?"

Everyone nodded.

_"Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues_

_Come on, get rhythm when you get the blues…"_

As soon as Stiles finished he laughed into another song – not wanting to wait and hear how they thought he was doing.

_"Hear that lonesome whippoorwill_

_He sounds too blue to fly…"_

Stiles stopped and refused to look at anyone but Scott who was grinning at him stupidly.

"That was amazing," Claudia said, standing up and coming over to hug Stiles. "You're going to knock them out of the water at the talent contest."

"Really?" Stiles asked, looking up at her.

She smiled down at him encouragingly.

"Amazing," Stiles' father said. "I can't wait to see you on the stage."

Stiles looked down at Jolene unable to contain his pleasure at their praise.

/\/\/\

Stiles slid into the booth next to Oliver and winked at Connor.

"You need to stop doing that," Oliver said quietly.

"Why?"

"He's jealous."

"That's the point."

Oliver blushed and looked down at the table. "Not anymore."

Stiles nudged Oliver with his elbow. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Oliver said, nodding.

"Yeah," Connor said, slamming a glass down onto the table.

Stiles turned and looked up at Connor with a smile. "You've finally come to your senses? Good."

Stiles stood up and slipped around Connor to sit on the other side of the booth.

"What?"

"You're going to be a lawyer," Stiles said, pulling Connor's drink over in front of him. "Surely you worked out that I was flirting with the amazing Oliver so that you'd start."

"You manipulated me?"

"Yes."

"That's," he turned back to Oliver. "You let him?"

"I…" Oliver said, flustered. "I…I know it's manipulative and I should have told you. I was weak and I'm sorry."

"And you're an arse, Connor," Stiles said, standing up. "You've been stringing Oliver along and don't pretend that isn't the same as what I did. Except for the fact that you're happy now."

Stiles left them and walked to the stage, picking up Jolene as he sat down.

"Hello everyone, I'm Stiles, and I'm looking forward to playing for you tonight. My first song is for a friend who needs to pull his head out of his backside."

There was a happy murmur of noise from the crowd and it made Stiles smile.

_"Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter…"_

/\/\/\

Stiles, thirteen and three-quarters, stared at the cake slowly cooking in the oven and ran through the cord progression in his head.

"How's it going?" Stiles' dad asked, peering over his shoulder.

"It's cooking."

"You know you don't need to stare at it."

"If I'm staring at it I won't get distracted by something else and let it burn this time."

Sam put a hand on his son's shoulder and squeezed.

Thirty-five minutes later Stiles pulled the perfect cake out of the oven and put it on the rack to cool.

"Looks good," his father said peering at the cake. "Chocolate?"

"Of course," Stiles scoffed.

"Would you like me to-" there was a loud thud from above them.

Stiles and his father both froze, looking up at the ceiling. Stiles was running before he even realised he was moving, bouncing off the door jamb and still moving. The only person upstairs was his mother. His mother was upstairs and they hadn't heard her call out that everything was okay. She would always call out that everything was okay. Stiles tripped going up the stairs and he knew it was bad when his father didn't even turn around to help him but kept moving. By the time he was up and at the door of his mother's music room his father was on the floor kneeling over his mother who was ash white and limp in his arms. Stiles turned around and ran to his parent's room.

Stiles hit the one button so hard he hurt his finger and held his breath while he waited for the operator to pick up.

"Hello, what's your emergency?"

"My mother collapsed," Stiles said frantically over the top of the operator. He rattled off their address, repeating it without thought when he realised he was doing the thing where he talked too fast. "Please hurry."

"I'm dispatching an ambulance to your address but I need more information."

"She had cancer, she's in remission. She passed out. My dad's with her. Please hurry."

"Your dad is in the house with you now?"

"He's with my mum in the other room."

"And is she breathing?"

"I don't know, I… please just hurry."

"The ambulance is on its way. Can you go into the room with your mother and check on her."

Stiles nodded without thinking and started walking towards the music room. They weren't there though. Stiles thought his heart had stopped beating when there was no one in the room. He turned around and ran from the room and down the stairs. He found his father trying to open the front door while carrying his mother.

"Dad!"

"Help me," his father said desperately.

Stiles dropped the phone and ran over, swinging the door open and rushing back for the keys to his cruiser. He tripped over the phone and picked it up, slamming it against his ear while he grabbed the keys and his father's wallet.

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, what happened?"

"My dad's taking mum to the hospital."

"That's not a good idea. The ambulance will be there soon and-"

"Dad's a deputy," Stiles said, running back out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

"She needs the help from the ambulance. Put your dad on the phone."

Stiles skidded to a stop in front of his father, slamming his hip into the doorhandle.

"There's an ambulance coming," Stiles told his father.

Sam looked down at Claudia in his arms and sank down into the grass like his strings had been cut.

"Dad?" Stiles said frantically.

"How long?"

Sirens could be heard in the distance and Stiles and his father both turned towards the sound, waiting for the ambulance to turn down the street. Stiles wanted to sink down into the grass next to his father when it finally appeared.

/\/\/\

"What are you going to be playing tonight?" Oliver asked, wriggling on the bench.

Stiles shrugged. "I've been toying with a new song."

Oliver turned to him with excitement. "Tell me about it."

Stiles ducked his head. "It's…it keeps going through my head when I'm with Derek."

Oliver flushed and Stiles couldn't help but wonder how he was still able with the way Connor looked at him, and touched him for that matter.

"How are things going?" Oliver asked.

"I am enjoying myself."

"Just enjoying yourself?"

Stiles made a face. "I'm trying not to read too much into it."

"What would you have said to me if we were talking about Connor?"

Stiles sighed. "We need to get to the Bluebird."

"You're avoiding my question."

"Damn straight. Is Connor coming tonight?"

"He's in the middle of a case so he said he might not be able to but he was going to come and see me tonight."

"You have the biggest smile on your face," Stiles teased, knocking into Oliver's shoulder.

"Is Derek coming?"

Stiles shrugged. "He hasn't missed a show in a month."

"Not since you cheered him on at his baseball game."

"You're feisty."

"I'm channelling you."

"I'm not sure I like the adjective feisty."

"You're the one who used it."

Stiles walked through the Bluebird's door and rolled his eyes at Oliver. "Just get yourself a drink and be quiet."

Oliver pushed up his glasses and laughed before he walked away and found a booth close to the stage. Stiles put his instruments near the stage and walked out the back to say hello to Rayna and collect his connection cables from his locker.

When he went back outside Derek was lounging in the booth opposite Oliver wearing the black leather jacket from his time in Beacon Hills and enough stubble to make Stiles' cheeks itch from here. Stiles wanted nothing more than to walk over to him and drag the other man out of the bar. He knew he couldn't though so he waved and then set himself to setting up listening to the house music piping through speakers.

Derek never came near Stiles while he was setting up – until recently Derek never even came in before Stiles actually started playing. When he was done he walked over to the bar and got himself a drink and then settled on his stool. He pulled Orpheus into his arms and messed around needlessly with the guitar's tuning while he waited impatiently to be able to actually start playing. He kept looking at the clock, impatient, until finally it was time to start.

"Hello everyone, my name's Stiles and I'm here to play you some music."

Stiles looked over at Derek and smiled before he started playing the music.

_"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind_

_There was something so pleasant about that place…_

Stiles put down Jolene at the end of his set and smiled out at the crowd, pleased to note it was larger and closer to him that it had been when he started. He thanked them and started packing up keeping one eye on the booth where Derek was sitting. Connor had slid into the booth just before Stiles' last song and Stiles was starting to wonder just what it was that Connor had worked out – he looked a little too smug for Stiles' piece of mind.

"Hey, Stiles."

Stiles turned and smiled at Derek. "Hey, Derek."

"Good set tonight."

Stiles ducked his head so that he could see Derek and smiled. "They're always good."

"You're starting to sound more like a pro at this," Derek cocked his hip and leaned against the railing around the musician's area.

Stiles winked. "I have a regular gig. I am a pro at this."

Derek shook his head and closer to Stiles, stroking his hands against Stiles' forearm and then moving on. "I'll get you a drink."

"Thank you."

/\/\/\

"Mr Stilinski?" The doctor said, coming out into the waiting area.

"Yes," Sam said, standing up and moving before his name was even finished.

The doctor smiled at him, his eyes flicking to Stiles.

"Your wife is stable."

"Is she awake?" Stiles asked.

"Yes, she is awake but still disorientated. She sustained a concussion when she fell."

"Why did she fall?" Sam asked, grabbing onto Stiles' hand tightly.

"We are running tests. Would you like to sit with your wife while you wait?"

"Yes," Sam said, tugging on Stiles' hand as he started following the doctor.

"Wait," Stiles said. He didn't want to let go but both of their coats and his father's wallet were sitting on the chair behind him. He tugged his hand free and then held on again as they walked through the hospital silently.

Stiles' heart started beating faster with every step until he felt like it was about to explode out of his chest and suffocate him. Every cell in his body felt too heavy and he didn't know how to keep walking as they got to the door to his mother's room. He felt the tightening hold of his father's hand and the edges of his vision grew darker.

"Stiles?" Sam said, turning around to look at Stiles.

The doctor pushed the door open and Stiles caught sight of his mother. He let go of his father's hand immediately and rushed into the hospital room throwing himself into his mother's arms.

"It's okay, sweetheart," she said, tightening her arms around him. Stiles' breath hitched when her weak hold paled next to the one she normally wrapped him in.

"Mum?" Stiles said quietly, breathing in to stave off the sobs that he could feel in his chest and in his throat.

"It's all going to be okay."

Stiles didn't believe her and all he could do was cry.

/\/\/\

Stiles smiled out at the assorted crowd. It was the night before Christmas and the place was surprisingly packed. He could see Derek sitting at a booth with a beaming Cora next to him and Stiles' father on the other side of the table. It was an odd picture since Derek and Stiles were not discussing what was happening between them which had been going on for two months now.

Cora probably wouldn't even know if she hadn't been just about to knock on Derek's apartment door three mornings ago while Stiles was rushing out, toast between his teeth and jacket half on as he tried to make sure he got to the airport to meet his dad on time. He had known he shouldn't have gone over to Derek's the night before but there was nothing quite like the high of performing followed by the high of an incredibly good night of sex.

Stiles had frozen when he spotted Cora who gaped at him and then chuckled. Stiles wasn't even apologetic about smiling at her and rushing down the hallway past her.

Now here they were, Derek and Cora, sitting next to his father like that wasn't the worst idea in history.

Stiles was just glad he got to be on the stage for a while longer.

"Hello everyone, my name is Stiles. I'm really glad to have my dad here tonight so this first song is for him. My mum taught me how to play it one Christmas and this is a nice part of home."

Stiles looked at his father and smiled, loving that the pain that came with his mother not being here wasn't as bad as it had been. He still wished she was here every day but he could sing a song for her now without feeling like he was going to cry, or he was going to make his father cry.

_"Bells will be ringing this sad sad news_

_Oh what a Christmas to have the blues…"_

"Thank you, I'll be back on in thirty minutes."

Stiles felt the same elation that always came with the applause after a gig. He had to come back up for another set since it was so close to Christmas and Andi &amp; Tom who normally played after him had gone home for Christmas. He would have enough time to sit with his dad…and Derek and Cora, before he had to play again though.

"You get better every time I hear you," his Dad said, pulling him down into the booth.

Stiles smiled and ducked his head. "Thanks, Dad."

Cora took that moment to lean over the booth and yank him forward, hands tight on his shoulders. He wanted to grimace but he hold it in. "How did we never know you could play?"

"I stopped when my Mum died," Stiles explained, forcing himself to hold eye contact with her. "I got back into it when I came to Nashville."

Cora turned and looked at her brother. "And how very _lucky_ we are that you ended up in Nashville."

Stiles rolled his eyes and tried to pull back from her but she tightened her grip and looked at him seriously. "You were amazing. Trust me, we werewolves can hear music differently to humans and you are _spectacular_."

"Werewolves hear music differently how?"

Cora smiled. "I don't even know how to explain it. It's why Dad and Derek could-"

Derek nudged his sister. "Would you sit down, you're causing a scene."

"You just don't like me touching your man."

Derek's eyes flicked to Stiles who turned to smile at his father.

"I was wondering if you two were seeing one another last time I was here," Sam said casually.

"What?" Stiles asked.

"I'm old, I'm not stupid. You think people didn't look at one another like that when I was young?"

"Rayna thinks you're…interesting," Stiles said.

"Interesting."

"I refuse to say hot."

"And I know you're avoiding talking about your relationship with Derek."

"We're dating," Derek said softly, drawing everyone's eyes to him.

Stiles' chest constricted…they hadn't talked about it, they hadn't defined anything. They had just been hanging out and having sex for a couple of months. They had been dancing around one another for a long time before that.

"I have a gun," Sam said, staring at Derek. "I know you have claws and all but just so we're clear…gun, police training, and friends across the country."

Derek nodded once solemnly and then smiled. "That seems fair."

"Dad!" Stiles said, tapping the older man on the arm. "I am more than capable of protecting myself."

"I know," Sam smiled. "I'm just reminded Derek that family is important."

"Like Scott hasn't done the same thing," Cora said.

Stiles looked down at the table and blushed.

"Oh man," Cora said, slapping Stiles on the arm. "You haven't told Scott?"

Stiles shook his head. "I-We haven't told anyone."

"I'm so pleased I caught you on your walk of shame then."

Stiles sighed, beleaguered. "It wasn't a walk of shame."

"You were rushing out of Derek's place still getting dressed."

Stiles looked at his father.

"Don't look at me like that, you think I never noticed you sneaking in after spending the night out when you were a teenager…I don't think you're innocent, Stiles."

Stiles sighed and stood up. "If you're all going to pick on me then I'm going to get ready for my next set."

Derek's hand settled heavy on Stiles' wrist, stopping him. "Don't go."

Stiles looked at Derek and caught the shadow of fear in his eyes. Stiles nodded and settled more deeply into the booth's chair. "Then we are changing the topic."

"Christmas," Sam offered up.

"You should both come to Derek's tomorrow, we're having Christmas lunch." Cora offered happily.

Stiles froze, looking at Derek but the werewolf was looking at Sam instead.

"Yes," Derek said, voice rough. "You're more than welcome."

"I was going to cook for Dad at my apartment," Stiles said. "If you would prefer to be alone."

Sam shook his head woefully at Stiles. Stiles opened his mouth to say something when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. "Dammit."

"What?" Derek asked, looking at him sharply.

"I'm up for my next set. I'll be back."

"Stiles is a great son," Sam said as Stiles walked away. "But he's not much of a cook."

Stiles wanted to turn around and remind his father that he was a great cook, thank you very much, but he would have ended up standing there after he was supposed to have started playing.

He was slightly mollified to hear Derek say, "I've eaten his food."

Stiles wriggled on the seat and smiled at the crowd which was larger than the last time he'd been here.

"Hello everyone, we're back for our second set tonight and I'm going to be playing something for my dad this first song. He's the one sitting there in the booth looking proud." Sam stood up and waved at the room – indeed looking proud.

_"Quarter in a payphone_

_Drying laundry on the line…"_

Stiles stretched out his fingers as the last song faded into the room. Playing one set a night was good, it allowed him to get back to his place to study or to go out for dinner but there was something amazingly electrifying in playing more than one set. Even with the knowledge that his father was probably planning his wedding to Derek where he sat in the booth the second set had felt so much better than the first one.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight, and I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow whether you celebrate or not."

Stiles slid out of the chair and smiled at the crowd before he started packing up. He took a deep breath a moment later, feeling the warmth of Derek at his side, and the scent of his body managed to overwhelm the smell of beer and sweat in the room. Stiles knew the sweat was mostly him at this point but Derek didn't seem to mind.

"You're coming to my place for lunch tomorrow."

Stiles looked at Derek and whispered, wondering just how hard Cora was listening to them. "We don't have to; Dad's just being…Dad."

"I knew your Dad was coming or I would have asked," Derek said quietly.

Stiles didn't mention that he would have gone home if his father hadn't agreed to come out here to spend Christmas with him so that he could help Rayna out.

"And the boyfriend thing?"

Derek froze.

"I just mean," Stiles said quickly. "We hadn't really talked about it."

"Was I wrong?" Derek asked, looking up at Stiles while he coiled a cord.

"No…but, I wasn't sure."

"You should have asked. I thought we were on the same page."

"We are. I just didn't want to spook you."

Derek arched a single eyebrow. "You didn't want to spook me."

Stiles sighed. "This really isn't the right time to be having this conversation."

"Now we need to have this conversation."

Stiles sighed and smiled at his father. "Help me take the stuff to my car?"

Derek nodded and grabbed the cases for both Orpheus and Jolene.

"I am capable of carrying things."

"Just grab the rest of your stuff."

Stiles nodded and grabbed everything else and followed Derek from the building. He opened his boot and helped Derek put everything inside and then rested back against the car and looked at Derek.

"Right, tell me."

Stiles let out a huff of air and pulled himself up until he was sitting on the boot. "When you first showed up you weren't easy to pin down."

Derek was silent as he watched Stiles.

"I had to chase you down a bit and when something finally happened with us I just didn't want you to disappear."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Stiles reached out and grabbed Derek's elbow pulling him slowly closer. "Good."

Derek huffed softly and then kissed Stiles firmly, wrapping his arms low around Stiles' back and settling between his legs.

Stiles threaded his fingers into Derek's hair, wrapping himself around the taller man and moaned into his mouth.

Derek sprang away from him suddenly when there was a throat cleared behind them.

"Dad!" Stiles groaned, even as he laughed at Derek.

Derek looked at Sam and then back at Stiles. "I need to talk to you."

Stiles frowned at him. "Okay, Dad and I were going to grab a late dinner, come with us."

"Nope," Cora said, grabbing onto her brother's elbow. "Derek and I have plans."

"We do?" Derek asked, turning to look at Cora.

"Yep, come on. You'll see him tomorrow."

"I'll bring cake," Stiles said happily. "Can you wait until tomorrow to talk to me, Derek?"

Derek nodded and kissed Stiles quickly before Cora dragged him away.

"I like him," Sam said, clapping Stiles on the back.

"Me too."

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm not sure."

Sam looked at him for a minute and nodded. "Let's get some dinner, then you can tell me everything you haven't been telling me."

/\/\/\

Stiles unfurled from his place on the chair when the doctor walked into the room.

"Mrs Stilinski," she said, smiling softly.

"Doctor."

"We've received your test results, would you like to talk alone?"

"No," Claudia said, reaching out for Sam's hand. "Tell us all."

"Your white cell count is very high indicating that the cancer has returned. We are going to need to do a CAT scan to locate the exact location of the cancer."

"When?" Claudia asked, her voice painfully calm.

Stiles wanted to scream, he wanted to throw himself at the doctor and make the woman _hurt_. His mother was supposed to be okay, the cancer was supposed to be gone. He knew that the doctor and his parents were talking around him but he couldn't hear them anymore. He was supposed to have been safe. His mother was meant to be safe. But this was the third time – this was it, he could feel it. He had been lucky the first time, he'd been beyond lucky the second time but he was not going to get to keep her this time. He knew it from the hair on his head down to the soles of his feet. His mother was going to die.

/\/\/\

Stiles picked up the phone and groaned as he turned over. "Hello?"

"Stiles."

"Who is this at…my God, it's seven am on Christmas Day. Sleeping in on this day is sacred."

"Where is that in the bible?"

"Page three."

The person on the other end of the phone laughed. "We need to talk."

"Who is this?" Stiles asked again.

"It's Connor."

"My God, just have sex with Oliver and leave me alone."

"I'm serious," Connor said. "Oliver and I are coming over. We need to talk."

Stiles groaned. "Can you come at a more sensible time?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Oliver and I have to be at his parent's house at nine."

Stiles sat up quickly. "He's taking you home to meet his parents?"

"Yes, mornings are the most important part of Christmas Day for Filipinos."

"That is so cute, and you are getting involved with his heritage – I knew you were better than you pretended to be."

"We're going to my parent's house for dinner as well," Connor admitted, quietly – obviously proud but not wanting to brag.

Stiles grinned. "I'm so happy for both of you."

"We'll be there in thirty minutes."

"And now I hate you."

Connor hang up but his laughter still rang in Stiles' ears. He sighed and pushed the covers away so that he could sit up on the couch properly. His father was asleep in his bed and the apartment was still quiet so he knew that his father was still asleep. Stiles stood and stretched. He went into the kitchen and turned the kettle on to make himself a cup of tea. He yawned and scratched at his stomach his mind wondering to Derek. He shook his head and started pulling out all of the food he would need to make pancakes. He also pulled some bacon out of the freezer – his father should be allowed to eat his favourite food today.

He was halfway through mixing the batter when his father appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Merry Christmas, son."

"Morning, Dad. Merry Christmas."

"I smell bacon."

"Two slices each," Stiles told him.

"You know I'm an adult, right?"

"You know I'm not going to stop trying to keep you alive, right?"

"I love you too."

Stiles grinned at him and poured batter onto the hot frypan just as the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Sam said, walking to the door and pulling it open. "Hello."

"Connor?" Stiles called out.

"It's us," Oliver said, loud enough to be heard without yelling.

"I'm making pancakes, come in." Stiles flipped the first batch out and turned around to find Connor standing right in front of him, well within his personal space. "Jesus, how'd you get in here so quietly?"

"I've been doing a little digging around on your guy."

"Derek?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" Stiles asked, with confusion.

Connor nodded his head back towards the lounge room and Oliver. "I appreciate what you did."

Stiles grinned broadly. "You're welcome."

"Well, I'm paying you back. Derek is Derek Hale – regarded as _the_ music scout in Nashville at the moment. He doesn't make himself known around town and apparently never, never, talks to the talent but makes his suggestions to labels."

"But…" Stiles shook his head and Connor grabbed his elbows and held onto him. "He…that makes no sense."

Connor flushed. "I have an old friend…we didn't hook up or anything, he just owes me some information. He knows everything there is to know about the music scene in this town. Apparently, you're something of a big deal, Stiles."

"I'm…what? I'm a big deal?"

"You're playing at the Bluebird. Have been for a year. Without a contract to a label. That doesn't seem weird to you?"

Stiles opened his mouth to say something and then stopped suddenly realising that it was so insanely weird that there was no possible way he could have been naïve enough to not see this before.

"Oh shit," Stiles said, dropping the spatula he was holding and walking away from the stovetop.

"I'm not telling you this to make trouble but Oliver would have told me if you knew about Derek."

"Then why are you telling me?"

"You're spending Christmas with him."

Stiles turned around and shook his head. "I don't understand."

Connor looked uncomfortable. "I wouldn't have cared before, and I still don't…obviously, but when I told Oliver last night he said it was a big deal and you needed to know."

"I'm sorry." Stiles turned and looked at the kitchen doorway where Oliver was standing, looking apologetic. Sam behind him watching them all carefully.

Stiles pinched his nose and rubbed his hand down his face. "It's not a big deal."

Oliver stepped into the kitchen and Stiles suddenly wanted Lydia to be here. Desperately.

"No," Stiles said, turning around and pulling the frypan off the hot stove. "I'm a singer and he's a musical scout. It would have been awkward if he'd told me and I wasn't good enough and worse if he told me and it was just about him wanting to sign me. This isn't a big deal."

"Good," Oliver said, walking over and patting Stiles on the back. "Merry Christmas, sorry we woke you up."

"Merry Christmas," Stiles said, turning around. "It's fine."

Connor looked at him like he expected Stiles to do something stupid or start crying but Stiles honestly couldn't think of a good reason to.

He walked them to the door and said goodbye before he turned and looked at his father. "I'm calling Lydia."

"I think that's a good idea. I'm cooking pancakes."

Stiles grabbed his phone and was about to tap on Lydia's face to initiate the call when he went back to the home screen and wrote a message to Derek instead.

_I hear you're a big news music talent scout. I'm wondering why you never told me. _

He huffed out a breath wondering if that was a good idea before he went back and called Lydia.

"Hey, Stiles, what's wrong?"

"I can't just call you?"

"No."

"I found out that Derek is a big news music scout."

"I know."

"What?"

"I did some research on him when he showed back up. Just to make sure he hadn't fulfilled that murderous prophecy about himself. He's a big deal."

"And you never told me?"

"I assumed he would."

"He didn't."

"And now you're fucking him."

"Lydia!"

"Fine, now you're _sleeping_ with him."

"Yes."

"And he hasn't told you."

"No."

"Okay, so you can get pissed off or ask him."

Stiles felt the phone vibrate against his ear and had to squash the desire to pull the phone away and look at it. "I messaged him before I called."

Lydia made a judgemental noise. "And?"

"He just messaged me back."

"You have ten seconds to look and tell me. Do not respond."

Stiles pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the message.

_I can explain. It would have made things awkward. Call me. I can't call you. I'll talk to you at lunch._

"He can explain, it would have made things awkward and he tried to call."

"You're on the phone with me, you twit."

"That is partially why I called."

"No, it's not. You want me to be honest with you because you're scared of being honest with yourself."

"Yeah." Stiles admitted quietly.

"So, he should have told you. If he had there would have been two different possibilities…one, he would have needed to try and sign you because you're amazing and then it would have been like he was sleeping with you to sign you. Two, he didn't sign you because either he's an idiot or he let someone else sign you to prove that he wasn't sleeping with you to sign someone amazing."

"Both of which would have ruined whatever we have."

"Which you still wouldn't have defined because you're scared he's going to leave you again."

"Again?"

"He left Beacon Hills without a word. It's not the best background for a potential boyfriend given your issues with abandonment."

"Fuck, Lydia."

"Oh, do you want me to stop being honest now?"

"I'm not that bad."

"It's Christmas, so I'll leave that one alone."

Stiles had to smile at that. "I love you too, Lydia. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Stiles, and give him a chance to explain."

"I don't think he needs to explain, I'm just going to wait for him to tell me what I already know."

"Good, I'll talk to you later. And just so you know, this is the last time you're allowed to be away for Christmas."

"Sure, sure."

"I'm serious. Bye, Stiles."

"Bye, Lydia, say hello to Boyd for me."

She just laughed and hung up.

"She's right, you know," his father said, sitting down next to him.

"How do you know that?"

"I saw the way he's looked at you every time I've been here. He wants you and he doesn't want his job to get in the way."

"I shouldn't have told him I know then."

"No, you should have. And now you need to see what he has to say for himself."

"Okay," Stiles looked at the two plates piled with pancakes on the table and smiled. "I only see one piece of bacon on my plate."

"How strange," his father said, cutting into his pancakes.

/\/\/\

"Mrs Stilinski," a doctor, another different one, said as he walked into Claudia's room.

"You have my test results?" She asked, sitting up in the bed.

"Yes."

A nurse stepping into the hospital room behind the doctor and smiled tightly at Stiles.

"Oh God," Claudia said, tears appearing on her face.

Stiles swallowed thickly and climbed up onto the bed to wrap his arms around his mother. "You said it would be okay."

"Mrs Stilinski," the doctor said, stepping forward.

Stiles turned to him and glared at the grey-haired man. "Go away."

"No," Claudia said, pulling herself away from Stiles. "Stiles, go outside for a minute."

"No."

"Stiles."

"I am not leaving you alone," Stiles said firmly. His father had had to go into work for an hour. The doctors were not supposed to have come in until he got back.

Claudia smiled at him softly and wrapped an arm around him, holding him close.

Stiles took a deep breath but his mother didn't smell like herself anymore. Stiles looked at the doctor not feeling at all comforted in his mother's embrace.

"The cancer has metastasised in your liver."

"I had a check-up six months ago – they said I was clear."

"Yes, we have looked at your results and double checked our own. This is an aggressive progression cancer."

"How long?"

The doctor and nurse looked at one another and then turned back to Claudia looking grime. The nurse's eyes flicked to Stiles and Stiles wanted to lash out at the expression of sympathy on her face.

"Three months."

Stiles thought about three months. In three months it would be Christmas. In three months he would be fourteen. In three months his mother was going to be dead.

Stiles' father pushed the door open at that moment and looked around the room. "What happened?"

"Mum's going to be dead at Christmas," Stiles said tonelessly. He knew his mother was still hugging him but he couldn't feel it anymore.

/\/\/\

Stiles looked at himself in the mirror and wondered why he even cared what he was wearing.

"Why are you nervous?" He asked himself.

Stiles' phone rang and he yanked it out of his pocket gratefully. "Hello?"

"Stiles, thank whatever saints of Christmas exist." Rayna's voice jumped out of the phone and Stiles realised he'd tapped the loudspeaker accidently.

"Rayna?"

"You have to come to the Bluebird."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," she said firmly – her voice as close to panicked as he thought she would ever get.

"Why?" Sam asked, pulling Stiles' hand closer to his face.

"Dad."

"Hello, Sam, we have a special Christmas concert planned."

"I know," Stiles said, frowning at his father. "Anita Bell is playing. Though how you conned her-"

"We did not _con_ her into anything. She offered to come. Now, she fell over getting out of the shower and has been rushed to the hospital. They think it's just a sprain and she said she would be in to perform as soon as they had strapped it but I _need_ someone to come in and play for the crowd…as an opening act."

"You want me to come to the Bluebird on Christmas, when I am supposed to be heading to…my boyfriend's place, to be Anita Bell's opening act?"

"Yes."

"He'll be there," Sam said, firmly.

"Dad."

"Stiles," Sam said, matching his tone. "You like her music."

"Well yes."

"And I don't get to see you play enough."

"I played last night."

"I agree with your father," Rayna said, sounding much calmer now.

"Dad, we're supposed to be at lunch in thirty minutes."

"He'll understand."

Stiles knew he would but at the same time he wanted to talk to Derek about what Oliver had told him.

"We'll invite him," Sam said, grabbing the phone out of Stiles' hand. "We will be there in thirty."

"Dad."

Sam smiled and disconnected the call.

"Dad!"

"Call Derek, tell him what happened. It will only delay lunch a little."

"I don't think it's a great step since we've only just agreed to be boyfriends."

Sam rolled his eyes aggressively. "Fine, I'll call him then."

"No," Stiles said, taking his phone back. "I'll do it."

He called Derek and was surprised to hear Cora's voice.

"Hey, Stiles, are you…hey!"

"Hi, Stiles," Derek's voice took over and then fell into silence.

"Rayna just called," Stiles explained, swallowing harshly.

"Oh?"

"Anita Bell's sprained….something, Rayna wasn't specific but I suppose….her ankle, maybe…anyway, she'd like me to be her opening act and keep the crowd happy."

"Okay."

"It shouldn't be too long, and…I…this isn't about the message."

"I can explain."

"I know."

"It would have been uncomfortable. I couldn't tell you at the start and then…it's not an easy thing to bring up."

"I suppose it's better than telling me you'd been making gay porn in Texas after you left Beacon Hills," Stiles groaned as soon as the words were out of his mouth and his slammed his hand into his face with another groan.

"I don't know where my genes went," his father said. "That is all your mother."

Stiles beamed at his father. "At least I'm not so old that I think 'solid dick' is a euphemism for straight talk."

"Hey, those comic books are worth some money now."

"Sure, sure."

"You've seen all of the _Marvel_ movies."

"Yeah."

"And it was _Iron Man_ telling _Captain America_ to give him the straight dick."

"And thus started so much Steve/Tony PWP."

"What?"

"Never mind. Derek, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay."

"Listen," Stiles looked at his father and then turned his back on him to walk into his bedroom. "Derek, we'll talk properly at lunch, okay?"

"Sure."

Stiles felt like he should do something to reassure Derek but he really wanted to hear the explanation before he did anything. "I'll see you soon."

"Have a great set, Stiles."

"Thank you."

/\/\/\

Stiles watched his mother settle onto the couch. Ever since she had come home he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Christmas. It was coming. Christmas was coming and by the time it arrived his mother was going to be dead.

"Stiles, sweetheart," she said, pulling him out of his thoughts with a smile. "Get me some water and then get Orpheus; it's been too long since I heard you play."

Stiles nodded and got his mother a drink before he went upstairs for Orpheus. It may only be fifty-five days until Christmas but he was going to spend every one of them with his mother.

And then he was never going to celebrate Christmas again.

/\/\/\

Stiles walked into the performance area behind Rayna, who had grabbed his elbow tightly the moment he'd walked in the door. She had pointed his father at a booth and continued pulling Stiles through the crowd. Stiles put Orpheus' case down on the bench and unclipped it while the steady noise of the crowd rose.

"Are you announcing me?" Stiles asked.

"I'm waiting for you."

Stiles laughed and pulled Jolene from her case. "I'm good to go, Rayna."

"You're not even plugged in yet.

Stiles turned his back on her and plugged the guitar into the acoustic amp on the stage. "Let's go."

"And you're going to be okay with a set list?"

Stiles nodded at the mic in front of him. "Stop worrying, I've got this."

Rayna turned back to the microphone and announced Stiles. He walked past her to the mic and smiled at the crowd watching him with suspicion.

"Hi, I'm Stiles, let's get straight into this with something sweet."

The crowd didn't seem any more sure of him after his words but Stiles looked down at the strings under his fingers and played.

_"The only ground I ever owned was stickin' to my shoes_

_now I look at my front porch in this panoramic view…"_

/\/\/\

Thirty days before Christmas, Stiles walked next to his mother through the shop picking out presents. He didn't want to buy anyone presents because he did not intend to open anything if his mother wasn't going to be there.

Claudia reached out for a book. "For Scott."

"A book? He hates to read."

Claudia laughed and kept moving through the aisles. She looked much better than she had when she'd come back from the hospital but he could still hear the doctor's words in his head every time he looked at her.

"We should get the things to make our own tacos for dinner," she mused as she slid two books into the cart that Stiles was pushing.

"Mum, he's not going to read those."

"But you will."

Stiles peered down at the books and nodded, biting back his smile. "I suppose."

She reached out and ruffled his hair. "Chicken or beef tacos?"

"Chicken."

"Okay, let's buy your books then."

"What about Scott?"

"I suppose I will have to keep thinking about something cool to get him."

"I think he would really like Donkey Kong Country 2," stiles said, swept away in the conversation.

Claudia rolled her eyes. "I think _you_ would really like that."

"I'd play with him though."

Claudia laughed and nudged him forward. "I'll think about it."

And then Stiles remembered that she would be gone by Christmas and he wouldn't want to play anything.

/\/\/\

Stiles smiled as he watched the crowd slowly warm to him. He'd played most of his best covers and they had stopped looking at him like the only thing standing between them and Anita Bell. He enjoyed winning a crowd over.

"I'd like to play you something of my own now," Stiles said, catching his dad's eye and smiling.

_"Went down to the lake,_

_with a bottle of jack,_

_and my very best mate. _

_We drank too much and,_

_talked about girls. _

_I said I'm gonna marry that redhead, _

_who smiles at me so bright. _

_She doesn't know who I am, _

_but that girl is gonna be mine. _

_Pulled on my pads_

_in the locker room._

_Surrounded by guys, _

_that I just couldn't stand. _

_My redhead's guy, _

_the worst of them all. _

_I said, I'm gonna marry that redhead,_

_who smiles at him so bright. _

_She doesn't know who I am, _

_but that girl is gonna be mine. _

_Sat in class, _

_tried to pay attention. _

_I never was good, _

_at doing what I was told. _

_I stared at her back, _

_wishing I was by her side. _

_I said, I'm gonna marry that redhead,_

_who smiles at everyone else so bright._

_She doesn't know who I am,_

_but that girl is gonna be mine. _

_She flipped her hair,_

_and stared down her nose at me. _

_She doesn't know who I am,_

_but that girl is gonna be mine. _

_I look at her, _

_watch her much too close. _

_I can see her but, _

_the girl underneath. _

_She's gonna rule the world, _

_that girl I want. _

_She doesn't know who I am, _

_and she ain't never gonna be mine." _

Stiles stopped playing and smiled as he thought about Lydia and what she would say about that song.

"I wrote that when I was a teenager and utterly in love. And now onto something better than my song."

Stiles swapped Jolene for Orpheus and took a deep breath. He hadn't played this song for anyone yet and he still wasn't sure how this was going to play out on a banjo. He was just about to strum the first note when he spotted Derek leaning against the wall next to the doorway.

_"Oh yeah I'll tell you something_

_I think you'll understand…"_

Stiles finally tore his eyes away from Derek, which looked just a little bit electric blue, and looked around the room before he pulled his gaze back down to the banjo.

/\/\/\

Five days to Christmas, Stiles and his mother were sitting on the floor of the living room wrapping presents.

"Stiles," his mother scolded, "watch what you're doing."

Stiles looked down at his finger and realised he was about to cut himself.

"Sorry," he said, yanking his finger away.

"Right," she said, pulling the scissors out of his hand and scooting closer to him. "Tell me."

"What?"

"Tell me what has you so distracted."

Stiles thought about telling her that he was constantly terrified that she was going to drop dead at any moment. The doctor had given her three months and that had passed three days prior. Stiles didn't want to leave her side; he didn't want her to be alone. And it was getting worse. It had been bad from the moment they got the news and she had talked to him, told him that the doctors were not always right – and that she was feeling better.

"I'm fine, Mum."

"No, you're not. Talk to me."

Stiles shook his head and looked down at his hands but then she reached out and held onto his hand and suddenly he couldn't see his own hands anymore just the blurred outline of them through his own tears.

"Stiles," she said softly, pulling him into her. "It's okay, whatever it is, it's okay."

"You're dying," Stiles sobbed into her shoulder.

"I'm feeling great."

"Three months," Stiles said. "Three months, and that was days ago."

"That was just an estimate, we've talked about this. I'm still being treated and the doctors are impressed with the decrease in growth. I'm not going anywhere yet, Stiles."

Stiles felt like he couldn't breathe, the world closing down around him as he shook his head forcibly. "They said three months and I don't want you to go. I never want you to, what are we going to do when you're gone. You're my Mum. Mine. And I don't want to let you go."

Stiles expected his mother to say something but she was silent as she rocked him.

/\/\/\

Stiles slid off the stool and smiled at the crowd. "Thank you all for listening tonight. Now I'll leave you to the real reason you are here."

Stiles unplugged Orpheus and quickly packed everything away before he slipped over to Rayna's side while his father and Derek were distracted by the sheer noise of the crowd when Anita Bell hobbled into the middle of the stage. The appearance of Derek here, at a completely sold out and closed-door event reminded Stiles of the news he'd received earlier.

"Hey, Stiles," Rayna said smiling widely, "good show. Thank you so much for coming in."

"Why did you offer me the gig here?"

Rayna frowned at him and sighed. "I heard about you."

"From who?"

"My niece goes to school with you."

"That's it?"

Rayna looked over his shoulder and sighed. "Why aren't you asking him?"

"Goddammit," Stiles said, slapping his palm into his face. "He told you to give me a gig?"

Rayna folded her arms across her chest and stared him down. "No one tells me to give anyone a gig."

"Then what?"

"I heard he was watching a kid at the university bar. I asked him about it. He wouldn't tell me anything. Then I went and watched you. My niece does go to school with you and she was very impressed with you. As am I. We're a bar that develops talent as well as showcasing known talent. You were a good bet."

"He never told me."

Rayna laughed. "Does Derek tell anyone anything?"

Stiles shrugged. "He's more open than he used to be. At least, I thought he was."

Rayna frowned at him for a moment. "How long have you known him?"

"I met him when I was ten. Then got to know him when I was sixteen. He left and I saw him again at a show."

"What was he like at sixteen?"

Stiles laughed. "I knew him when I was sixteen…how old do you think I am?"

She sighed. "Fine, what was he like when _you_ were sixteen?"

"Monosyllabic, stupidly hot, and a complete sour…puss."

"Stupidly hot?"

"I think he's gotten less attractive."

Rayna laughed and pointed to the door. "Now that you've stopped freaking out leave. It's Christmas and if I'm here I want to see some of the show."

Stiles stood there for a while longer and Rayna sighed before she turned back to him.

"Go and talk to him."

"Fine!" Stiles said, moving back over to his father's booth only to find both of his instrument cases sitting next to the table.

"You forgot them," Derek mentioned nodding at the cases.

"Thanks."

"Everything okay?" Sam asked.

Stiles nodded. "Yeah, just needed to talk to Rayna."

"Sit down," Derek said, looking at the seat next to him.

"Don't we need to get back for your meal?"

Derek shook his head. "It's not every day you get to listen to the biggest thing in country music. We can stay."

"We won't ruin your food."

"Nope."

Stiles smiled and slid into the booth next to Derek just as a woman walked up to the table.

/\/\/\

Five days after Christmas, Stiles woke up suddenly – he hadn't been sleeping very well since the three month mark had passed after they had told him his mother was going to die. He could hear his parents talking quietly from where he was sleeping on the floor at the end of the bed.

"I've talked to the department psych," his father said. "We can get him in on the third."

"And he's good."

"Ray said he was the best in the area. If he doesn't help we will drive down to LA if he need to."

"Sam…"

"I know, Cee," Sam said, and Stiles could hear their blankets rustling as his father hugged his mother.

"I don't want to leave him."

"We don't want you to leave."

"I'm so sorry, Sam."

"You haven't done anything wrong," Stiles' father said and Stiles couldn't lie there silently anymore. He jumped up and scurried up the bed, toppling off the side and then bouncing back up to dive between his parents.

"I'm not crazy."

Claudia huffed out an exasperated laugh and tugged him into a hug. "Of course not, but…I am…I just want you to be okay no matter what happens, baby."

"I'm not a baby."

"No," she said, smoothing her hand through his hair, "you're not."

/\/\/\

"Hello?" Stiles said when the woman standing next to the booth just stared at him.

"You're Stiles Stilinski?"

"Yeah…"

"Excellent, I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"A contract with Transatlantic Records."

Stiles laughed.

"I'm serious."

"This isn't an appropriate time," Derek said, almost glaring at the woman.

"This has nothing to do with you, Hale. Stiles is entitled to know he has options."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Stiles asked, looking at his father for help.

"Did you just come here to see one of your past successes," the woman continued. "Or are you making Stiles a serious offer because I've heard there is no label currently in talks with Stiles."

"Past…holy shit," Stiles turned to look at Derek. "You, _you_, discovered Anita Bell?"

Derek looked down at the table and then nodded. "Yeah."

Stiles punched Derek in the shoulder. "You damned taciturn bastard."

Derek made a face at Stiles but didn't respond.

"Stiles," the woman said. "My name is Jennifer Rhodes, I've listened to you play a couple of times and I think you would be a wonderful addition to my label."

"I…" Stiles looked at Derek. "What?"

"I came to see Anita, of course, but you were very good tonight and I think we should talk."

"Stiles isn't available to talk at the moment," Derek said. "We're already in talks."

"You don't talk to anyone, and there aren't any labels that have made offers for Stiles."

"Stiles is here." Stiles pointed out, annoyed at both of them for ignoring him.

"I'm working with him to cultivate his talent," Derek said as though Stiles hadn't spoken.

"I'm sorry," Stiles said, grabbing onto Derek's hand and dragging the werewolf out of the bar. "What do you mean _you're cultivating my talent_?"

Derek took a step back from Stiles. "It isn't what it sounds like."

"That's good, because it sounds like you're an arsehole who slept with me because you have a singer quota to fill."

Derek folded his arms over his chest and met Stiles' eyes with a glare. "That is not why I slept with you."

"Good!" Stiles took a deep breath relieved. "Then you need to explain this to me."

"You said you wanted to focus on school."

"When?"

"You told Rayna," Derek shrugged.

"Oh my God," Stiles said, walking away and then turned around to get close to Derek so that he could see his eyes properly. "You _are_ why I have a gig at the Bluebird?"

"_You_ are the reason you have the gig. I'm just the reason she came to the university pub to hear you the first time. Apparently refusing to tell her anything is the same as inviting her."

Stiles sighed and folded his arms protectively across his chest. "Goddammit, Derek, why didn't you tell me what you do?"

"I was waiting."

"For what?"

"For you to be finished."

"With what?"

"I wasn't sure. Either finished with music or finished with school."

"Derek!" Stiles growled and stalked away from the other man.

"Where are you going?"

"I have no damned idea."

Derek rubbed his head. "I…fucking hell, Stiles, I heard about this guy playing country music named Stiles. The word was he was amazing, so I came down to see you and you were. You're magnetic on stage. I wasn't going to watch you again but you're addictive. So I came back and you saw me. Then I figured if you're that good I'd see if you were interested in a contact but I didn't know how to ask. Before I know it you've done exactly what you did in Beacon Hills and you burrowed your way into my life. Only this time…only this time it's different because you're different. I never intended for this to be where we ended up but I was scared that you'd leave when you found out."

"Why?"

"What are my options? Either I offer you a contract and things are awkward or I don't so I just…tried to ignore it."

"Ignore it?" Stiles asked, stalking back over to Derek. "You thought you could just ignore something like that and have a relationship with me?"

"I wanted the relationship…I want you but my job is…fucking hell, Stiles, this is why I tried to keep my distance."

"Sleeping with me is keeping your distance?"

Derek looked pained and for a moment it looked like he was going to get defensive and then his shoulders dropped minutely. "No, sleeping with you is a complete lack of self-control. I wanted you so I let myself do something I knew I shouldn't."

Stiles wanted to get angry, he wanted to throw something at Derek, rant and rave, explain all of the things about Derek's words that twisted the part inside of him that was falling in love with Derek.

"Why?"

"Because, you deserve me to be scouting you. You're amazing, you could be huge, you could be winning CMAs and owning the Country world but I just wanted to keep you for myself."

Stiles felt every bit of anger drain out of his body. "Let's get my Dad and go to yours so we can have lunch."

"What?"

"You've got me," Stiles said, wanting to kiss Derek but not sure if he should here, now, with everything that had happened and Jennifer watching them through the window. "You're right, I want to finish school and I don't even know if I want to own the Country world but I know I don't want to lose you so that's what we're going to do. I'm going to finish university, we're going to date, and we'll work out the scouting and label stuff when it's time."

Derek looked unsure, like he couldn't believe what Stiles was saying.

"I'll get Dad."

"And I'll get rid of Jennifer." Derek said warily but with a hint of excitement.

"No claws."

Derek laughed and nodded. "We can watch the rest of the show first."

"It's not really that important."

"But it'll be fun."

Stiles allowed himself to be dragged back into the bar.

/\/\/\

Stiles couldn't breathe. Scott had a hold of his shoulder but he couldn't breathe.

He could see Scott's lips moving but there weren't any sounds.

Claudia pushed Scott out of the way and pressed her hands to Stiles' chest forcing him to breathe more slowly.

Slowly the world came back to him and he could hear his mother counting.

"1. 2. 3. 4. Hold."

"Mum," Stiles croaked.

Claudia sank down in front of Stiles and he reached out for her worried that she was going to collapse in front of him. She was growing more frail every day and he knew there wasn't much time left and no matter how much the counsellor his parents were making him see talked about his feelings and how to deal with them he was terrified that she was going to disappear at any minute.

"What was that?" Scott asked in a small voice.

Stiles looked at him and felt his entire body heat with shame.

"It was a panic attack, Scott," Claudia said.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked, looking at Stiles with worry.

Stiles nodded but couldn't bring himself to say anything as he pictured the earth opening up and swallowing him.

Scott threw his arms around Stiles and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."

Stiles hugged Scott back.

/\/\/\

"Stilinski…Stiles."

Stiles smirked and walked across the stage listening to his father and Scott scream out for him. He couldn't help but smirk at the fact that most parents just clapped…he had a better family than them.

"Thank you."

"How do you pronounce your first name?" the Dean said, shaking his hand.

Stiles laughed. "It's Jarogniew, YAA-R-aaGNiyuw."

The Dean looked confused still.

"Stiles is good," Stiles said with a smile, moving his tassel to the other side and clutching his diploma as he walked off the stage.

/\/\/\

Two months after Christmas, Stiles sat next to his mother's bed and held onto Jolene tightly in his grip.

"Play for me, baby," she said quietly, smiling at him.

Stiles licked his lips and tried to think of a good song to play.

"Something by Dolly," Claudia requested. "Something fun."

_"Sittin' on the front porch on a summer afternoon_

_In a straightback chair on two legs, leans against the wall…"_

Claudia smiled. "I like that one."

"I know," Stiles said, watching her struggle to keep her eyes open.

"Play me something else by her…not Jolene though, I don't want you to think about this when you play Jolene."

Stiles wanted to cry, he wanted to throw Jolene to the floor and smash it. He wanted to hold his mother and cry. He blinked back tears and felt his Dad's hand land heavy but comforting on his shoulder as he thought of another song to play for her. He thought of all the songs she loved and tried to work out what the best one would be.

"The butterfly one," she said quietly, smiling at him. "That would be good."

Stiles nodded and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall as he pictured the notes in his head.

_"Love is like a butterfly_

_As soft and gentle as a sigh…"_

Stiles opened his eyes when the song was finished to find his mother breathing slowly, her eyes closed.

"Mum?"

She didn't move.

"She's just asleep," Sam said, squeezing his shoulder.

"No, she's not," Stiles said, forcing himself to remember the bars for the beginning of the song. Sam sat on the bed next to Claudia and rested his hand on Stiles' knee while he sang.

_"If I should stay_

_Well, I would only be in your way_

_And so I'll go, and yet I know_

_That I'll think of you each step of my way_

_And I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_Bitter-sweet memories_

_That's all I have, and all I'm taking with me_

_Good-bye, oh, please don't cry_

_'Cause we both know that I'm not_

_What you need_

_But I will always love you_

_I will always love you"_

Stiles couldn't blink as he watched his mother closely, he could see her breathing slow down, too much time passing between each one and Stiles tried to count while he continued to sing. His eyes were clear though as he sang for her.

_"And I hope life, will treat you kind_

_And I hope that you have all_

_That you ever dreamed of_

_Oh, I do wish you joy_

_And I wish you happiness_

_But above all this_

_I wish you love_

_I love you, I will always love"_

Stiles' breath caught as he waited for her next one…it was too long. They were getting further apart.

Sam let go of his hold on Stiles to press his fingers into Claudia's neck though he didn't let go of her hand. Stiles kept singing when his father looked back at him – he didn't want to hear the words.

_"I will always, always love you_

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you."_

Stiles voice faded out and his father looked at Stiles and he knew.

"Don't say it," Stiles choked out.

Sam reached for the phone and called for an ambulance while Stiles, fourteen, sat beside his dead mother's body and cried.

/\/\/\

Sam grabbed Stiles' shoulder and steered him away from the group. His friends and their families had all decided to get together in his apartment, since he didn't live on campus, for an after graduation party. Katie and Cam, and their parents, as well as Connor and Oliver, Scott and his Dad, Derek, and a few other people were all milling around in the living room while Stiles and his father walked away.

"Dad?"

"When your mother knew she wasn't going to live she sat down and wrote you some letters. She said she didn't want to write about your birthdays because she'd been at so many of them and wanted all the rest to be happy. But there were thing…" Sam paused and looked over Stiles' shoulder for a moment while he tried to collect himself. "…things that she."

Stiles rubbed at his eyes and tried to hold back the tears. "Things she would miss."

"Yeah," Sam said, rubbing his face. "Things that she wanted to be here for desperately. I didn't want to give it to you until later but…"

"Now's good," Stiles said.

Sam nodded and pulled the envelope out of his jacket pocket, handing it to Stiles.

"Can you give me a minute?" Stiles asked, looking down at the white envelope – there was nothing special about it. There was nothing special at all except for his mother's handwriting across the front.

Sam nodded, clapped him on the back and stepped out of Stiles' room.

Stiles sat down on the bed and gave into the tears that had been threatening since his father had spoken.

He slipped his finger beneath the edge of the envelope and eased it open, teardrops falling onto his shirt that he ignored.

_My dear Stiles,_

_You graduated from university today and I am so proud. I wish I was there. But I'm proud of you, I was always so proud of you from the moment you looked at me the day you were born. I watched you struggle to be something different to who you are when you were little and then they told us you had ADHD and I thought that would make things worse but you were so amazing. You didn't care about the labels and it made you so happy to be you. I watched you and you made me a better person. _

_I hope you're still playing music, and writing it. I never told you this but I used to read your notebooks to see your songs. _

_I read the ones about me, about me dying, and you have to know, my little boy, that I love you and I never wanted to leave. _

_I wish I was there to know the man you are now, to see the people you have collected around yourself as family. I know your dad is there next to you and proud enough for both of us. We both love you so much and Sam was never very good at remembering to say how much he loves someone. The day he told me he loved me was when I broke my arm. I was so worried because I wouldn't be able to play the guitar until it was healed and he was standing next to me in the hospital room and just said… "I didn't fall in love with you because you can play music." It was the silliest way of telling me I could think of because he thought I knew. I asked him to repeat it and he just looked surprised. I mean, I knew, but I didn't think he'd realised it himself just yet. If he hasn't told you how proud he is then show him this. I hope he has, I hope you know how much he loves you. He loves you as much as I do…which is more than the whole rest of the world. _

_If there was anything I could have done or given to be there right now I would have done it. I never wanted to leave you. If it was up to me we would have both died on the same day when you were old and ready to go. I hope you remember how much I love you today when I am not there for such an amazingly big day for you. I hope there are people there who love you today and that they appreciate how amazing you are. _

_I know I should write something more, something profound for you today that you can take into the rest of your life. That's the point of these letters. It's my way of being with you when I can't be. But I don't know what to say to you except: I love you, I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love you except your Dad. I wish I was there with you and I think you feel the same but remember that I am with you every second…well most of them…because obviously some things a mother shouldn't be witness to. And while we're here I am proud of you no matter what you found in life that makes you happy – except if it's illegal and then I think you need to look at your life and make different choices because stealing, drugs, and other things that could end up with you in jail is not good. Unless, you're doing something because it is an injustice and then I support you completely. _

_I wish I was there with you to see the people in your life – I think you and Scott will still be brothers but do you have someone you love romantically? Are you thinking about getting married? Do you want children? Did someone break your heart and make you afraid of loving again? Did me dying make you scared that someone else would leave? Because loving is always something that can lead to pain and I was hurt – badly, before I met your dad. I never told you about my first boyfriend who cheated on me with every girl in my high school without me ever knowing – I was much too trusting once. I didn't give your dad much time because he was just a stupid football player too. Your dad was sweet…and very goofy and he won me over. You have always reminded me so much of him – the same sense of humour. And I took a risk on a boy I thought was going to try to play me and he never once made me regret my decision even if we did fight and sometimes I wanted to flick him in the head with a lacky band. I believe that if you want someone in your life then there is someone worthy of you and you, Stiles, are the most worthy of love person I have ever known. You have always loved fiercely and I know that one day you will find someone who is worthy of all of the love you have to give and if you haven't found them yet then go out and do everything you can to make yourself happy. If you have then go out and do everything you can to keep yourself happy. _

_I want to give you one last piece of advice. _

_I don't want you to be scared of anything. If there is something you want to do, do it. Life is short, something you know but I want you to remember it every day and if you want to do something then go out there and make it happen. Don't worry about buying a house if you want to travel but are worried about growing old. If you want a tattoo go out and get one. Whatever you want in life go out and get it. _

_I love you, and I'm proud of you. I could write for hours but I hear you moving around in your room and I would prefer to spend some time with you, playing music and being with you here while I still can. _

_Lastly, I hope you're still playing. You are already so much better a musician than I ever was and every time I hear you play you make me so happy. _

_I love you so much, my beautiful Stiles. _

_Love,_

_Mum_

Stiles read the letter again once he could see straight and the tears had dried on his cheeks.

There was a knock on the door and he pulled it open to find Scott, Derek, and his father standing on the other side.

"You stopped crying," Scott said, stepping into the room and wrapping Stiles in a brief hug.

"Should I have waited?" His father asked.

"No," Stiles said, reaching out to hug his dad. "You can read it if you like."

Sam nodded and stepped into the room.

Stiles smiled at Derek and yanked him into the room. "Stop looking like you're terrified of me."

"I'm not."

"Just give me a hug and it'll be fine."

Derek pulled Stiles' into his body and wrapped his arms around Stiles, trying to completely envelope the slimmer man.

"Perfect," Stiles said, taking a deep breath against Derek's neck. "It's not that hard."

"I don't like you being sad," Derek explained, not letting go which Stiles needed more than anything else at the moment so he tightened his hold.

"We still haven't talked about this whole dating Derek thing, Stiles," Scott said behind them.

"Scott, I'm dating Derek. Get over it."

"Okay," Scott said. "I'll just leave you to it then."

"Don't go," Stiles said, reluctantly pulling out of Derek's arms. "She mentioned you."

Scott smiled. "I liked your mother."

"She was amazing," Sam said quietly, folding the letter back up and putting it onto the bed. "And I am proud of you."

"I know, Dad."

"Good."

"I'm not ready to go back out yet."

"We can just sit in here," Derek offered, not letting go of Stiles' hand.

"Thank you," Stiles sat on the bed next to his father and tugged Derek down next to him.

"What did she say about me?" Scott asked.

Stiles laughed. "That she hoped I'd dumped you by now."

"Lies, she loved me."

"She hoped we'd still be friends."

"You're never getting rid of me," Scott said. "Werewolves, kanimas, hunters, witches, shapeshifters, university in different states, being a country music superstar, being a high school sports teacher…" Stiles snickered. "Hey, I'm going to be better at it than Finstock was."

"I know."

"And it will mean I can come and visit you in the summer."

"I'm coming home."

Scott nodded but there was something sad in his face. "Yeah…home."

/\/\/\

Stiles walked up to the front of the congregation. He sat on the stool they had put out of him and turned around keeping his eyes on the ground.

"My mum shouldn't be dead," Stiles said. "But this is for her."

Stiles took a deep breath and started playing without looking up at anyone in the audience – this was just for his mother.

_"Memories surround me_

_But sadness has found me_

_I'd do anything for more time_

_Never before has someone meant more_

_And I can't get you out of my mind_

_There is so much that I don't understand_

_But I know…"_

Stiles finished playing and seamlessly went into the next song.

_"Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Way up high,_

_There's a land that I heard of_

_Once in a lullaby…"_

Stiles didn't look up as he walked back to his chair and sat down between Scott and his father. Scott grabbed onto his hand and held quietly while his father wrapped an arm around Stiles' shoulders.

/\/\/\

"Before we leave," Derek said, sitting down on Stiles' couch a few weeks after he'd graduated. He wasn't going to pack up his furniture and everything until he came back since his lease wasn't finished for another three months and he'd promised Rayna he'd come back.

"Yeah?" Stiles asked when Derek remained quiet.

"I have a few things for you."

"What?"

"This," Derek said, putting a stack of paper down onto the bed, "is an offer from Transatlantic for two albums. It's a good deal – I promise but I'd get Danny to look it over anyway…or another lawyer he knows."

"Really?"

Derek nodded and then put a card down onto the bed next to the paper. "And that is a card for another music scout. As soon as you have a deal you and I will have nothing to do with one another professionally. I only scout the talent, I'm not even remotely employed by Transatlantic, I just think they'll be the best fit for you."

"Why would I go with someone else? If you scout me you get paid…right?"

"Exactly."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "I don't think you are with me for the money."

"You're worth a lot."

"What?"

"You have a great following already, you're well known with the college set, and are a proven performer. You're a singer-songwriter as well which means you probably have most of your first record already written and performed in public. It's a good deal for me and for you but if it's going to be at all an issue for us then I don't want a bar of it."

Stiles pulled Derek in for a kiss. "I love you and I think…wait, I need to talk to my dad."

Derek beamed at him, his eyes lightening to blue around the edges. "You love me."

"Yes."

"I love you too."

"Well, that's lucky." Stiles said, pulling Derek in for another kiss.

A few minutes later Derek pulled back from Stiles and looked down at him. "Why do you have to talk to your dad?"

Stiles looked down, where Derek's was shirtless and his own belt was undone. "Now?"

Derek dropped his head down onto Stiles' collarbone. "We need to get to the airport."

"You've killing me here…can we at least join the mile high club."

"No."

"Why?"

"Werewolf," Derek reminded. "I try not to even pee in the air."

Stiles groaned. "Gross. Right, are you sure we can't just have a quickie?"

"Only if you want to miss our flight."

"Goddammit," Stiles said, sliding out from under Derek. "Let's go."

He grabbed the paperwork and slid it into his bag.

"What about the card."

"We can throw it out on the way."

"Stiles, you should think about this."

"Nope. I need to talk to my dad before I take any deal though."

"Why?"

"I'm all he has…you know, I asked him once if he was ever going to remarry and he looked me in the eye and said he was never going to love anyone the way he loved Mum. She was the love of his life, he said, and he'd lost her. If I'm going to do this then I need him to be okay with it. I can't leave him."

Derek nodded. "You know he's going to be annoyed that you think you can't leave him."

"He's going to have to deal with it just like he has to deal with no bacon."

"He probably eats bacon when you're not there."

"He better not," Stiles said, grabbing his bag. "Come on; let's go back to Beacon Hills."

/\/\/\

"Dad!" Stiles called out and shoved his bag at Derek before he rushed at his father.

"We saw one another two weeks ago," Sam said as he hugged Stiles.

"So?"

"Dork."

"Thanks."

"I have been invaded by werewolves, a banshee, and other recently graduated people."

"Really?"

"I think they called it a party."

Stiles laughed. "I think they may have had those in your day too, old man."

"They just invited themselves."

Stiles shrugged. "I'm fairly certain they would have asked."

"I'm not," Derek offered, steering them towards the baggage claim.

"They are delightful," Stiles defended.

"They are meddlers," Derek countered and lifted his bag off the moving carousel.

"They are not."

"They really are," Sam said. "But they are nice about it."

Stiles huffed at both of them and waited for his luggage.

As soon as they got home Stiles was surrounded by his friends.

"See, an invasion," his father grumbled.

Stiles allowed himself to be pulled into the group and rolled his eyes at his father.

He talked to Allison for a while, finding out about her new job at the Mayor's office. Then Isaac slipped over and told Stiles he'd applied for a job as a deputy under Sam and was waiting to hear back but the Sheriff wasn't saying anything. Lydia curled her arm through Stiles' while Danny explained his clerkship with the law firm in town and Stiles remembered the contract in his bag. The contract he really needed to talk to his father about.

"Derek's glaring at me," Lydia said, elbowing Stiles and startling him out of his thoughts. "Why?"

Stiles was silent for a long minute staring at Derek where he was chatting to Isaac and then he turned to Lydia and grinned. "He might have heard my song about marrying you."

Lydia stared at him with a mixture of amusement and displeasure.

Stiles shrugged. "I was fifteen."

"I am not glaring," Derek said, sliding an arm around Stiles' waist.

Lydia looked between them. Then stepped up to Derek and poked him in the chest. "I don't want him."

"Thanks."

"But, if you hurt him they will never find a trace of your body…understood?"

"Jeez, Lydia," Stiles said, pushing her away. "Piss off."

Derek just smirked at her. "I'm almost certain that Stiles will take care of that for you."

Lydia nodded and walked away.

"I'm sorry."

"Scott called me…how did he get my number by the way…to threaten to drive out here and true alpha me into submission if I did wrong by you."

"What does that even mean?"

"I'm not sure even he knows. It's good that they care enough about you to be worried for you."

"I love them all too."

Derek licked his lips and looked like he wanted to say something.

"What is it?"

"Do you want to leave them?"

"No. But I do want to play music. Now, leave it and I'll talk to my dad after the party."

Derek nodded but didn't move away from Stiles' side.

/\/\/\

"What are you doing?" Stiles' dad asked, walking into Stiles' room.

Stiles looked down at the banjo case and closed it firmly. "I'm putting Orpheus and Jolene away."

"Why?"

"She's dead," Stiles said firmly, pushing the cases into the very back of his closet.

"Stiles."

"No!" Stiles yelled. "She's dead and I'm never playing again. Never!"

His Dad's face crumbled and Stiles ran past him and out of his room.

/\/\/\

Stiles sat down across from his father. Derek was upstairs having a shower and the party was over and they had just finished cleaning up after it.

"You look very serious, son."

"I need to talk to you about something."

Sam smiled at him and motioned for him to go on. "What is it, Stiles?"

"I've been offered a record deal."

Sam's face broke out into a wide smile. "That's amazing."

"Yeah, but…" Stiles looked down at the couch so he wasn't looking at his father. "…I…I don't even know, dad."

"She'd be proud of you."

Stiles let his head drop back and thump against the couch.

"She never really thought she was good enough for something like this, and it was never a burning ambition – she much preferred messing around with her friends and you. She loved playing with you. She used to say that you had more talent than she ever did. She was proud of you, and she was looking forward to seeing what you could do with the talent you had."

"It means I'll have to stay in Nashville."

Sam smiled sadly. "I never really thought you'd come back when you started playing again. Then with everything that happened at Christmas I have been waiting for this since your graduation ceremony."

"I don't want to leave you."

"Stiles, don't use me as an excuse not to do something amazing. Besides, once you're rich and famous I can retire and move out there to live in your pool house."

Stiles laughed. "You're never going to want to retire."

Sam smiled softly but Stiles could suddenly see that his father was tired, he looked more his age than he ever had.

"But, if you do would you really want to come to Nashville?"

"I spent four very good years there, and when you're famous maybe you can come back sometimes."

Stiles was about to say something about Derek not wanting to come back to Beacon Hills but he bit down on the impulse. They might have said they loved one another but that didn't mean that he should get too far ahead of himself.

"You don't think Derek would want to come back?" His father asked.

"I would be interested," Derek said quietly from the doorway.

Stiles turned around and looked at him. "You would?"

Derek nodded. "Yep."

"But, you left."

"Things were bad then. I needed to be somewhere else but things are better now and if you come back here then I-"

"Don't," Stiles said, holding a hand up. "Let's just enjoy the now."

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek said, looking at Stiles intensely.

"I know, but let's not make any other big decisions yet. I might bomb out as a country singer and have to come back to Beacon Hills with my proverbial tail between my legs."

Derek nodded and settled onto a chair.

"I'm gonna grab a shower," Stiles said.

"Okay, I'm going to grab a beer," Sam said. "Derek?"

"Thanks."

Stiles left them to it and went upstairs to have a shower. When he made it out Derek was sitting on Stiles' old bed.

"Hey."

"You know I'm not leaving, right?"

Stiles froze and looked at Derek. "What?"

"I don't want to rush you, I'm happy to wait for as long as you need but I'm not going anywhere."

"Wait for me?" Stiles asked, coming to sit next to Derek with his towel still wrapped around his hips.

"I know you're hesitant to get too deep into a relationship and I'm not pushing you. I just want you to understand that I'm not going anywhere. That's all I'm going to say."

"You're not going anywhere?"

Derek shook his head. "I know what I want. I like what I do – it's a fun job and being a werewolf makes me really good at it."

"Good."

"But it's not everything in my life. If it was we wouldn't be together. I would have waited until after someone else discovered you."

"If work was everything in your life you would never have let anyone else discover me."

"No, I wouldn't."

"But, you want me."

"Yes."

"And you're not going anywhere because you want me in your life."

"Yes."

"I want you in my life too and I don't want to think about a future where you're not in it again."

"Then we're good."

"But I also don't want you to think you have to wait for me."

"We're both fighting against our baggage, Stiles."

Stiles sighed. "It helps that you're a werewolf who can't get cancer."

"And that you love my family."

"Cora's amazing."

"She is."

"I feel like we should do something after a heavy talk like this," Stiles said awkwardly as the silence stretched.

"You could get dressed and we could go to sleep where you will make awkward jokes about getting lucky in your childhood bed."

Stiles tugged Derek into a kiss. "You know me so well."

"I do."

Stiles stood up and threw his wet towel over the open closet door before he pulled on a pair of sleeping pants. "Let's make out."

Derek laughed and stood up to pull back the covers. "Your dad is in the house."

"Yes."

"And we're not teenagers."

"Pretend…you know I had quite a few wet dreams about you when I was a teenager."

"Yes."

"You did?"

"I could smell your arousal."

"So, you also knew I wanted you when you saw me playing music?"

Derek shrugged. "You were dating a few different people in that time. Most of the time I assumed the pheromones were because of them."

"Really?" Stiles asked, rested his folded hand on Derek's chest and putting his chin on top. "When did you work out it was you?"

Derek shrugged. "I think I hoped before I was sure."

"I would never cheat on someone."

"I know."

"But you have always been completely distracting."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It never changed any of my relationships but you certainly caught my eye at most of my gigs."

"You were surprisingly good at seeing me when I didn't want to be seen."

Stiles smiled and snuggled down into Derek's chest. Derek wrapped his arm around Stiles' shoulders.

"Is us being in a relationship going to be a problem for you?"

Derek shook his head, jostling Stiles. "Don't care if they have a problem with it."

"But it could cause you problems. Nepotism and all that."

Derek kissed Stiles at the edge of his hairline. "Don't worry about it. They'd already heard about you when I suggested you. They were wondering why I hadn't brought you in all ready."

"What did you say?" Stiles asked, yawning so widely his jaw cracked.

"I told them you were finishing university and that you had graduated now."

"Okay."

"Would you have preferred if I had told them about us?"

Stiles shrugged. "It's not an issue. Just so long as I can kiss you at the launch."

"You can."

"Excellent."

"Now, go to sleep."

"I'm still interested in a little nookie."

"Sleep."

Derek reached out and turned off the lamp beside the bed.

"Come on."

"Tomorrow," Derek promise, kissing Stiles one last time.

**/\/\/\Epilogue/\/\/\**

Stiles Stilinski: From What Was Left Behind to a New Rising Country Star

Jasper Caplon met with the newest artist to be signed to Transatlantic's Country label to discuss the new album and his sudden success.

Stiles Stilinski, real name laughingly undisclosed, launched his first album on Thursday night with a set at the Bluebird Café. The choice of the famous Bluebird is especially fitting for Stilinski, 23, who has been playing a set there every Wednesday for eighteen months. Like Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift he was discovered within the wall of the music venue. It might seem strange though that it took eighteen months for him to be discovered.

Stilinski laughed the question off, saying he was actually discovered at one of Vanderbilt University's, his alma mater, many student pubs. A quick search back into the many student showcases and talent nights held at the university shows that Stilinski has been making the circuits since early in his time there. His time spent performing in front of audiences was evident in his set at the Bluebird Café on Thursday as each song he played seemed like an old friend that he could have played with his eyes closed in a dark room with noise cancelling headphones on.

I asked Stiles about his early musical influences and he said simply his mother. She was a fan of country, having grown up in Nashville before moving to the Californian town of Beacon Hills where Stilinski's father is still Sheriff. She introduced him to country music – the likes of Dolly Parton, her favourite artist of all time, Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, and Patsy Cline. Stilinski explained that if there was music playing in his house it was country and if it wasn't they soon played it with a country twist. His mother was also the person who taught him to play – first on Jolene a guitar he still owns and plays on, and then Orpheus a banjo that came out for two of the songs during Thursday night's set. He played heavily all through his younger years and she also taught him to write both lyrics and music. A skill he did not give up even when he stopped playing music shortly after her death when Stilinski was fourteen. He brushed aside any sympathy, instead talking about his father, who he said kept them both together when their world fell apart with the passing of Claudia Stilinski.

Her influence can be seen in his debut album with three songs written about her illness and death. Stilinski explains that his mother told him to write what was important to him and as he explained being in Nashville, around country music, and where his mother had grown up and met his dad, brought him back to country music and all of the wonderful time he spent with her learning to play.

The album is a mixture of melancholy songs about losing a parent too early and slightly dark ones that hint at a love of the macabre with one about marrying a redheaded woman who he pointed out in the crowd at his launch. "That's Lydia – the smartest person I know, she's going to win the Fields Medal one day, and we dated for a while in high school – after I fawned over her for years. Turned out we were better as friends but that's cool because for a while there I was sure I was going to marry her, and as I put it then, have her babies. I have since come to understand biology a little better."

The album isn't all in one obvious sub-style of country music but with the span from gloomy to upbeat it is a wonderful ride with one of the best debut singer-songwriters that have come out recently. It does make for an eclectic album however which had divided some critics.

"This is my first album," Stilinski explained, "and it makes sense to me to put the songs that have been so popular at my performances over the last three years. As a result there are a lot on there that I wrote when I was a teenager and dealing with Mum's death. Then there are the ones I've written since I started playing again and you can see that in some of the happier songs on the album. I think this is an album all about where I've been and I'm really excited about this album and getting to play these songs for more people. I'm already writing the songs for the next album though which is more about me here and now and where I'm going next."

Which could mean there will be some romantic songs on the next album. Stilinski is openly bisexual and currently in a relationship and living with Derek Hale, one of the most notorious music scouts in Nashville. When asked about the allusion of nepotism that exists in the relationship Stiles laughs. "I've known Derek for years and years and he never knew I could play. It just so happened that Stiles isn't the most common name around and he found me playing. I had other offers but why would I take them when I could have taken his?" It's a question that seems to need no answer as his debut album is the best to come out of the country music scene this year.

My last question for Stiles was who his ideal duet partner would be and his answer was immediate. "Dolly Parton; if I could write or play with her I think that would be amazing. The very first concert I ever went to was Dolly Parton in San Francisco. Mum and Dad drove to Nashville and we spent two weeks here when I was older and saw her again. I would love to meet her and if I played with her I think my mother would be happy wherever she might be."

Stiles Stilinski's first album _From What You Left Behind_ is available for purchase on iTunes now.

**The End**


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